Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

22:2 not 2:22 (last post)

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018


Wednesday, January 3rd, 2018

In that ^ post (titled “thought”), I wrote about someone. She was the actress who plays Luv in Blade Runner 2049. Her last name, Hoeks, I also related with the word, “hooks”, myself. I thought that this is what it might be, before looking. Maybe so.

She said that she modeled her behavior, in some ways, off of Taylor Swift. I had previously associated her to this movie.

At 385W today, on the way to work, a song called “Eye” by The Smashing Pumpkins came to an end, and right after 385W, “Hook”, by Blues Traveler came on. So there was this resonance.

As I crossed by 385W, the DJ brought up the Sirius XMU App, and said something about not downloading any new apps in awhile, in kind of play– and to download this app. Taylor Swift recently released an app, and this was on my mind, somewhat. I thought about downloading it.

This was my first night back at work since Friday, so it was the first time I went through this process since writing.

Then at another ’385′ that I am aware of, near Nashville (address 385), IN, the time was 2:21. As I made an association of the 385th verse of Revelation being 22:1, if 405 verses are counted (22:2 for standard 404), I considered this as I saw the numbers.

I heard her once on the radio, coming on just as I was getting on the interstate 65 from Columbus, to go back to the pharmacy. The song was “Blank Space”. I was near Taylorsville at this time, and soon as I came to the exit, another song was on, after this one, by Rob Thomas, which was called “Hold On Forever”.

classes, white

Monday, January 1st, 2018

I am not rich. I am not without help.

Once when I was writing about what I have been writing about the last now-three posts, I went to the grocery, and an obese white girl in a big jacket and pajamas that had “Steelers” on them came up to me and said she was pregnant, and if I could buy her a meal. I said okay, and as she piled food into a to-go plate at Whole Foods I noticed the price was 8.99 per pound and she looked to be getting about 3 pounds of stuff.

So I ended up buying her about 24 bucks worth of food, when I expected to buy her “a meal”…maybe 7-8 bucks.

It is class-based, in ways, but race definitely plays into class. Race and religion, into divisions between people. But I definitely do not simply because someone is white feel some need to take care of them. But I guess, like I am not “mean” to others, if I have the choice, I would try to make life better around me, through various means. Feeding homeless people, healthcare, etc., it is all really for the greater good. It’s the world we walk through. It’s the world we have to deal with. But, this woman, basically, I wish I didn’t have to personally deal with, and if someone continued to “mooch” in this way, I would ignore them, keep my door shut, send them away, etc. She is in a certain “class”. I don’t speak as if I am somehow deserving of where I am at – currently I’m living in my parents house, again, because I have been in other ways unfortunate (health). It’s not about deserving, really. But I am making money. Currently I’m holding a job (thankfully, I have some independence, and feel productive). Ideally, our society is set up for individual independence, with the least-possible need for people having to look after anyone who is not their child, or aging parent, or sick spouse. We’re not islands, but there are natural boundaries between us– Some more than others.

Argh. Basically, it’s not completely racial. Classes and groups form within groups. I understand why Nobility wants to marry Nobility, Princes, Princesses, etc. Life is naturally insecure, and this is not a game.

I share with people who share with me, or who will. The aliens in the film, Arrival, help humans because humans will help them in the future. Altruism isn’t some magical “selfless” ‘thing’. Altruism is an instinct that developed because we are groups? Altruism people often call “selflessness”, but what are you? I am my family. I am my genes. I am my values. My values are probably largely the same as my family’s. They may be influenced by genes, or they may have served to keep these genes going, directly or indirectly? At any rate, dying for your child or risking one’s life in place of a child’s (your child, or your niece or nephew or grandchildren) is for the benefit of the genetic material– what “you” are. Working hard, self-sacrificially, for one’s family, and for the greater good of the group, is not at all “self-sacrifice”, because you die anyways, and the only way you survive is through their continuation. Altruism is naturally greater with/for those you share ancestry with… There is not really a such a thing as “selflessness”, and this is just one example as to why. Another is that you may shield others or protect others, because you developed AS a social creature, and what you have internalized as good and bad, and why you do things, is ultimately because of something, well, internal. Your “self” deems that such and such action that some call “self-sacrificial” is what is ‘good’ in such and such situation. It’s not self-sacrificial. It’s in-fact fulfillment of “self”. However, some have become confused. And some demand that we recognize ourselves as not just those closest to us, but say, Arab Muslims that won’t carry on our way of life. What a confusing time. I’m not saying we shouldn’t recognize ourselves in others, and that we don’t exist in these others, but not nearly like we might in our own. Their ways are not as conducive to ours as their own. “America first”. You die for those who are obviously those who you’re affectionate toward, or love. You would not die for a serial killer who had your daughter on his list as his next victim…you die for the cause of group – you work for the cause of the group that you are affectionate-towards/love. How is putting migrants from other nations with very different genetic make-ups, in respects (I know we share 70% of our genes with bananas too and 90+ with chimpanzees), and different ways of life, that do not favor what you love, above the interests of your own, good? In a way being for mass resettlement of these others is not much different than “self-sacrificing” for a serial killer’s gain, or mass-rapist. I mean, Islam basically allows the rape of our people. Why even take a chance?

It may be that reality has changed…

Monday, January 1st, 2018

…and that racism, etc., is in respects against the “values” of a modern society…I even go with that, sometimes, and don’t actively oppress any groups, except for perhaps in my dating choices (if I would date), or mating choices (if I had a choice, which I do), or if I were to interview people, I guess being totally honest I would probably find it harder to hire, if I had options to not, people of color, or people of other religions. I may still be polite to these people, though, and I would naturally be good-willed. I want good. But I would not “value” them nearly as highly as those I’m more bound with, as long as who I am bound with somehow maintains what it takes for us to survive, and “be good”.

It may be that at some point, and it may feel like we are near that now, that to stand against multiculturalism or whatever is ultimately against our core values. But I think it’s kind of tricky. It may seem that way, but there is still the reality- The possibility that this won’t work out for the better. And there are still the realities that white kids still outperform black kids, etc., in various ways. There is still the reality that people will subsidize others, and you will see trends in who is subsidizing whom. You’ll see trends that show one group committing more of the violence, and other types of crime, and this is reality, no matter the excuses. I think it’s tricky. I understand how “social justice warriors” come along. But I think they’re running off of emotions. I don’t think they’re peering through the fog. They’re frantically holding onto whatever they can find within, even if it’s really spikey and might stab them if they turn the wrong direction. I don’t know how to say it, obviously. I understand the fight. But I don’t think this is going anywhere good, the way we’re pretending there isn’t one, or the way people deny differences. The way people lack understanding.


White Privilege

Monday, January 1st, 2018

I am what might be identified as “white”, as far as my human ‘group’. This means I benefit from being a part of this group; My identity as a “white” person, and recognition by others are part of their group, smooths my relationship with them. I am more or less accepted into this group, and it’s accepted that I likely come from the same background, more or less, culturally, and that what I value and my behaviors- They can be expected more, as I am known, and fall in pattern. I’m “normal”. Normal- The word-itself means “pattern”.

This is actually a great accomplishment, and it wasn’t always this way. Races and other words to describe separations in groups have existed, and still exist, since cells split, basically. Germans are not the same, exactly, as Irish people, and Irish are different from English, and it is much more complex than that, too. And perhaps awareness of the outside, further away, and then consideration of shared language and families, within, built some more unified identity, such as of “being white”.

I don’t know. This is complex, but I see it being used as a weapon against them. People are afraid of being “left out”, and don’t seem to understand why they might be. It’s natural. It makes sense. If you can expect a certain way of behavior, and shared ancestry can help with this, then you can plan for things better, and organize yourself better. Multiculturalism– or whatever word to use to describe things (diversity), as it is pushed in today’s society, goes against this. It goes against order. It shames people for natural behaviors…even if these behaviors are not necessarily “fair” to individuals, to shame individuals that happen to behave this way, due to the way they fucking evolved (and the way we all evolved), is victimization of them. The left will deny this, and even ridicule them for considering themselves victims, but this is what is occurring.

Basically, my thoughts just were: I don’t understand how my privilege of being a part of a family of successful people for generations…is a bad thing. I don’t understand how being recognized as white is a bad thing. I don’t understand how being “expected” in some sense is a bad thing especially when it comes to organizing oneself or ourselves in a society. Arabs aren’t as known. They are loyal to another religion; Arabs and Middle Easterners, mostly of Islamic backgrounds are “bound” to another path, ultimately, if we are to not be hypocrites. They cannot be “expected”. They don’t follow nor do they want to follow nor should they be expected to want, especially considering their different belief systems and cultures, our ways. So then why should we be expected to give it all away? Or be shamed? It makes absolutely no sense to me. In-fact this theory of us being pathologically altruistic at this point, that I read about once, makes sense. We are strong because we have this sense of wanting to help and share and equalize among ourselves. We are individualist, compared to the rest of the world. History has definitely influenced this, but Whites you will see donating to charities and helping the needy probably more than any group in the entire world. There are many reasons for this, and some of it is definitely health of the group, or the ability to…

I don’t see them as part of the group. Maybe only unfortunately. Unfortunate for others. They’re like, by virtue of their race or religion, in different classes entirely. It doesn’t matter if they’re themselves a genius or a nice person or whatever, if they belong to something else, especially something else which is in a kind of war against the main group. … they’re in a different class. this doesn’t mean that i think i’m better, but certainly i’m probably “better” to the vast majority of the population of Europe/U.S., in respects (this is just a fact of life). I don’t want Islam to spread (why should I be for this – if I myself don’t want to be Muslim?). I find it hypocritical to pretend that we can live in peace. I find it a lie. It is a lie. We’re enemies. The most we can have is a truce.

So many people are just deferring…kicking the proverbial thing down the road for later. They hope things will just get smoothed over, in the future, after more truck attacks, etc. after the average IQ has dropped 10 points, or 20. But for now, lets be polite! Because I just want to digest my food! Smile! Look at my healthy teeth capable of getting food! I must be able to find food look at my teeth!


Sunday, December 31st, 2017

sometimes clothes cause allergic reactions. i have a pair of red socks i can’t wear because i get throat swelling-feeling. i am starting to think that other clothes do as well, and this is where i’m getting certain reactions from. i never get skin reactions. for me it’s always something in my throat – in the left side. it’s annoying.


Sunday, December 31st, 2017

Sometime before, possibly after my last entry, I thought about Sylvia Hoeks- An actress who starred in Blade Runner 2049. I was thinking about watching it (purchasing, on digital). Why I thought about her, I thought it came from writing about Danish genes (she’s Dutch, and I thought, from memory, that she might be Danish – but they are near).

I felt more drawn to look up information about her, while in the shower.

The first time I have looked at her Instagram page was then after. My last entry I write about body and mind, or mind and body. Her last post, she is in a pose, and talks about Yoga, and the last words in it are capitalized: “THE MIND TAKES UP TOO MUCH OF OUR TIME AND SPACE.. LET THE BODY JOIN IN”.

I also considered that her last name, Hoeks – the sound, like “hoax” (not to say it’s connected, necessarily, in any ‘real’ sense) – and it’s meaning, I thought and confirmed after relates to a “nook” or “corner”. I connected that my first ex-girlfriend (that I was serious about, who I considered marrying) has the last name, Calhoon, meaning “nook”, or “corner”, also, and that she was the beginning of my relationships with females, on this level – and that after her and the rest of them, I wrote their names and saw the first letters spelled out the word, “mask”. The first movie I saw with her was Blade. The second may have been Soldier (in theaters), which was a spiritual successor to the first Blade Runner film (I had yet to watch it, or know about it).

Sylvia’s character’s name, Luv, may mean “particle” in Sanskrit. Or it could mean “Love”, which may go with this- Love-itself, also with this, the fact that she resembles Rachael from the first film, who was Rick Deckard’s (blade runner in original) love-interest. And Love, as a name, may mean “female wolf”, which also goes with this character.

Replicants in the original film were said to live for 4 years. From the birth of my first ‘real’ girlfriend, to my last one (and youngest), there were just about precisely 4 years. One was born July 2nd 1981, and the last July 1st, 1985. This is 1-day shy of 4 years. After them I met one other who I considered in a way the same as the others, and who was the first that I told about seeing the pattern in the letters from the first names, along with numerological alignments of sorts (first female, in person). I met her 9723 days after I was born. There was a deadline I was to consider related to her wanting to remove storage – I was to help her, that came 9731 days after I was born. This was a cause of my messing up around her, causing confusion, and insecurity, with the confusion. 9732 I saw were numbers of Rick Deckard’s apartment, in the first movie. This person had just moved into a new residence when I met her. Storage was to be moved out, to there.

healthy in mind, and body

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

if i were healthy in my mind, i may take the time out of life to get repairs to my body. i need to repair many teeth, and currently my right hand doesn’t work like it did– neither does my left, but my right effects my hand more. i would like to play video games again. i just tried to simulate playing by holding the controller, and the trigger-finger actions can’t be done without pain.


I may not accept your terms

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

I doubt you’re being honest, too.

Danish DNA and happiness

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

“The results were surprising, we found that the greater a nation’s genetic distance from Denmark, the lower the reported wellbeing of that nation. Our research adjusts for many other influences including Gross Domestic Product, culture, religion and the strength of the welfare state and geography.

The second form of evidence looked at existing research suggesting an association between mental wellbeing and a mutation of the gene that influences the reuptake of serotonin, which is believed to be linked to human mood.”

Evolution didn’t stop below the neckline (or in the skin), and 200,000 years ago.

Continuing off the last entry/post: Danes live around Danes. Danes have developed a certain way, socially, and feel safe around other Danes to some degree, that is certainly different from how others feel around their own or others. Government (and/or corporations/businesses) moves Muslims and Blacks in. For whatever reason(s), crime around these groups is greater. Many sociological issues happen. Danes feel less safe in their own country. Danes are still expected to give up more space, by whoever expects these things. More space, and more of themselves. The fortune they got to, or their families have brought them to in their group’s evolution, is used as a tool to shame them (“privilege!”), especially if they’re not giving it away, or “sharing it equally”, even with those who won’t reciprocate, or simply cannot. Danes, simply, have fewer Danes around. And it would follow that they have to compensate for fewer “happy” people. They have fewer happy people to rely on. They have more people that would get mad if they showed some ankle or drew Muhammad or walked a fucking black dog in the park.

If it is genetics, and if happiness is a strength that can be strengthened through genetics, and if Danes have a certain make-up that benefits them in happiness, mixing with others would not prove to be a “diversity is strength” scenario. It could be to the detriment of anyone wanting to continue something good.

Frankly, multiculturalism-itself as it’s being promoted is an attack on people like Danes. It’s neglectful – that these are people, too. It neglects this, and treats them as if they’re king/queen-gods/goddesses that have been around since Ancient Greece and it’s time for them to play fair. It neglects the laws of nature.

By this, I actually think Hitler “was right”, in respects. Or, at this point, I would almost be willing to set back the clock and see how things went, his direction. Because this is fucked.