Archive for December, 2017

even I – who “stalks”

Wednesday, December 27th, 2017

would feel like a slime-ball if I was somehow covertly monitoring someone who did not consent, unless it was somehow my job, like if I were a spy, and these people were threats to security of home. And I would not interact with those I stalked, just to terrorize them. you’re slime. go to hell.

Paranoid response?

Wednesday, December 27th, 2017

I looked at an image of someone who was at one time from Hendersonville, TN. I looked at another, who I have associated in ways with her (not as if they are the same people), and these two I often look at images of…

I said that I need to find new interests. Because it’s repetitive. See if they changed anything (that they are showing).

After this, I went to OKCupid, as they sent me a message recently, and somehow my account is working after they suspended it, for some reason. Before that, I had another email in some particular timing, that brought me back to it – to view the site; I had been off for years, although perhaps I looked every now and then over the time. Then it was suspended, and I gave up, because it’s not really what I want to do (“online dating”…), and I was frustrated with the difficulty– I didn’t think it was worth messing with, so I once-again put it aside, until they sent me a message, so again – in curiosity – I checked, again.

This time, there was a first choice to swipe left or right on someone, who was named Rose. I didn’t pay attention in the moment, and swiped left, although I was actually interested in seeing more of her, as her initial picture was interesting, and she seemed attractive. The second person it showed me I was not attracted to, and I may have been shaking my head still at the process, and why suddenly my account was not suspended (for whatever reason it was…before). I didn’t pay attention, but I thought that I saw that this person was from Hendersonville, TN. This is outside of the area that I was set to search in, and the “swipe” feature tends to only display people from near you, so this thought that this is what I saw, right before swiping left, has given me some confusion, and question. I don’t know if it’s what I saw, but the shape of what I have in my memory seems to match this.

That made me mad. I felt watched. I don’t understand why people suck so bad.

But maybe it’s just coincidence.

Tootsie was playing

Wednesday, December 27th, 2017

on TV – sometime before they ate / we opened presents. . .this was the only other movie that played that I remember – other than ‘The Polar Express’.

“Toot toot”.

Brandon – when he brought up The OA, related her with Christ, subtly. Or it seemed for a moment that that is where he was going. I consider this with different gender– how in Tootsie a man is dressed as a woman.

Beginning, about Star Wars, I joked to my brother repeating something that I had heard, where Laura Dern’s character in Star Wars has been called “Admiral Gender Studies”.

I forgot, also Christmas Vacation was on when I was leaving.

After writing last entry

Wednesday, December 27th, 2017

My family opened presents. There was insistence from my niece that I open her present first. It was a knitting of a snowflake (her idea, made by my sister-in-law).

She was picking/grabbing at her rear-end (she is very young) and was reprimanded for it– told not to, while we were opening presents. I noticed toward the end of opening that she was wearing a necklace with a pendant of a cat, that was made of a material that reminded me of crystal, as it was sparkly all-over. This – I think of the crystal “bottom” jewelry for cats that I saw, and wrote about, last post.

The last gift that I opened was a organic cotton corduroys from Patagonia. I noticed they were from Ventura, CA- Where the fire has been going on. Today I read it became the largest California fire in modern history.

It was the mother of a female who is named Isis that suggested what I got my mother. I’m attracted to Isis. I didn’t want to argue with the suggestion of her mother. My mother said that what-it-is probably smells (it’s a soap), and I wanted to believe it wouldn’t matter, because it’s natural, but I smelled it, and now I have a headache (the essential oils are probably not organic). Now I have to think of something else to get her, and to ask her not to use it, potentially (more testing, probably).


We took a family picture. This niece bent over with her butt facing me, very close to me. I don’t mean any of this pervertedly, although I have seen “perversion” (?) — There are positions and things that are vulnerable, and as an animal I was born with a basic skill-set, but my higher brain-functions ride a kind of beast (?), and learns. My mom soon after this accidentally hit my sex organ with her hand through my pants, as I was standing behind her and my dad, and my pants are loose. I went outside to start my car for work, then came back in, then went back out again to make sure the exhaust wasn’t flooding the inside of the car…Then came back in and went to get my belt from the washer, and as I was in this process, my nephew shot me in the butt with a toy gun, accidentally (I didn’t feel anything — he told me it hit me on my butt).

As we were opening gifts, and I was having a conversation with my brother-in-law, about a show called The OA (Original Angel), he talked about how it was spiritually layered in ways, and I thought about how she (the main character- I forget the name at the moment) was very forgiving, and didn’t strike back when attacked by a dog, and a guy who stabbed her with a pencil in her thigh. How she told them “it’s okay”, holding them, not striking them. I thought about this with “turning the other cheek”. I found some humor, or something used me for humor, in some attempt to…I had a voice- Perhaps it was my imagination, say, “he is the other cheek”, or “you are the other cheek”- I took it as me.

Polar Express

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

I was thinking if there was anything more about trains. The Polar Express was a train ride that I saw last weekend, that I had to stop by as it passed, when I went to pick up someone to go to see Star Wars. It had been awhile since I had been stopped at tracks from a train crossing.

I wrote about this because there was a derailment the following day- A Monday. I shared a story that had just been released, about a solar powered train, with it, and wrote about a time when I walked and explored the train-yard, looking at the different cars, because this was my closest associating-with the area where I had come to a stop where the Polar Express ride was going across the way.

Christmas Eve I was stopped at some more tracks. This was the first time since the last week. Later this night, I found a medicine bottle that had been left out on the counter at my parents. It was her friend’s recently-deceased husbands allergy medicine. On this bottle was their home-address, which was at a road that is also a bypass where I take on a route that I sometimes do (someone else’s, that I fill in sometimes doing), in Anderson, that lets me avoid an often crossing train just ahead. They live one direction, and I-here go the other, to get to the facility where we deliver.

Today is Christmas with family. Yesterday I was just here with parents, and we went to see Downsizing. I wrote about this.

Today I woke up and The Polar Express was playing. My brother or sister-in-law, or someone chose it to watch from On-Demand. It ended, or my brother stopped it at 2:29. I sat down to watch it right when a boy picks up a bell, and something about believing was said, right as my brother was saying what he says when his kids ask about Santa– “what do you believe?”.

Around the death of the friend of my mother’s husband, a painting was sold, that broke the record for most expensive sold. It was a painting credited to Leonardo Davinci, with a depiction of Christ holding a crystal sphere. This was on a date that was a birthday of someone who I had associated with crystal. Her father is a painter. This is how I know of her. I had just been writing about things related with “paint”, in the time just-recently to this. A man named Leonard (last name) died and I found out about it in the early morning hours of the birthday of the one, when the painting was later sold (I think – around at least, it was, within a day…). He was at a facility beginning with a name beginning with the word, “Bell”. And perhaps it was right after, or just before the man named Leonard died- I was thinking about an adult film actress named Emilie Davinci, who I found is now (if she is the same person – she looks to be the same person) a scientist/professor involved in the study of crystallography, and her last name is Ringe.

Emilie Davinci did a lot of “back door”- Which was probably why I liked her, and also her type.

I wrote about this, and considered my associations with the name Crystal. A Crystal had just started working at my work- She was the last to be hired at this time. Growing up I knew of a Crystal Newton, a Crystal Allen, and Crystal Newton now also had the last name Allen, meaning Stone, and Newton could be associated with “gravity” (and bottom). There was also a Crystal Bottomley, at my school – who I remembered, and remembered that I always associated her last name with “Bottom”- Like the bottom/butt. At some time soon after this I saw the weirdest thing–Jewelry for cats’ bottoms; There is jewelry that is in place over the cat’s anus due to how they hold their tails, as this jewelry is on a ring around the tail. Like a cover. I found this very weird. It’s weird because why. Haha. Why. It also kind of made the synchronicity less meaningful to me, or less profound. Not that it means anything against, but I hadn’t seen anything like it before, and it came right after, a crystal on a bottom.

I also had one date with a girl from my church- Her name was Crystal Shook- Or at least this is how I sounded her last name. I had previously associated the sound of the word Crystal with Christ. To be thorough, perhaps also “Cry”…st.

Crystal means “frozen” or “ice”.

Polar Express.

Swift Refrigerated was the company name on some of the train cars I found around the train-yard near where The Polar Express-train crossed the road, on the way to pick up my friend, on the way to see Star Wars. I found it on a day when I walked around my town for the first time. I had never seen this before, that I remembered, anywhere else. I parked at Court Street earlier this day, when I first walked around town, and found out that she was this day or in this time-around (within a day/days…), in court, testifying against in a counter-suit a man who grabbed her rear-end during a photo being shot. She sued him for a dollar, and I had had up to some point right around this, perhaps still at this time (but I’m thinking I changed it), a profile picture on social-media of Dollar General. The man who made inappropriate contact with her had the last name, Mueller. This was a name of someone involved in an investigation around this time, with Trump, and I had been wearing braces with this name on my wrists recently-to-this-time, because I had given myself carpal tunnel problems. I had associated it in ways with a kind of “punishment” for smacking a girl’s rear end. I didn’t yet know about anything to do with Taylor Swift’s experience, and timing around this trial. That day that I was exploring, and found the train-car with her name, I went by a cemetery and saw first a name of Handy, and then Straight. I associated-first the placement of this word Hand, around death, with what I had experienced with the recent injury to my wrists. The Monday following this weekend when I explored, Big Ben was announced to be undergoing maintenance- Being shut down for four years. I could associated this with hands, as well. Hands of a clock. Exploring the cemetery on foot I saw another stone with a name of Bennon, or Benson (I need to look at what I have written…), and an artist named Benjamin Gifford’s music was being played on the radio. I think Purity Ring was, as well. One before, and one was after. Benjamin Gifford’s was called “The Concept”, and with relating to her, Taylor, I felt I didn’t have a concept- A thought I had just had around this time.

This is not the end, but I have to cut it somewhere, for now.

In Taylor’s first video in awhile, for a new song, coming soon after this, she can be seen crawling out of a grave, and there are things about “time”…

I came back to this post, and highlighted “there are things about”, above, because I don’t like to call…things “things”, if possible. My mom was on the phone behind me, and said “you’ve got time”.


Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

means “joining”

I found

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

I found that my brother lives next to an Allison Rd. My sister lives next to a Taylor Rd. My brother lives in Speedway, IN. My sister lives in Columbus, IN.

My brother lives in a house with an address of Winton Avenue, off of Crawfordsville Road. My sister lives in a house with an address of Lakeside Drive, that’s off of Taylor Road.

I wrote about Laura

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

Dern. I saw her in one movie, and then saw her in one today. I guess I can relate this. Her last name, Dern means to conceal. In a dream I had she was in my house, hiding, because she couldn’t afford a painting. One who I had been watching, and who I wanted, closed the door to my bedroom, as I was outside, her shutting herself in. I later connected this with the meaning of Dern: to conceal.

In this, Downsizing, she plays a small part. It is in the beginning, where a small house opens up to reveal her, and she says the name Jeff, affectionately, many times. Jeff is informing an audience interested in downsizing themselves – this is part of the orientation, I think – about things there, and how things unaffordable before are now affordable, like diamonds. ‘Jeff’ is played by Neil Patrick Harris.

I connected this some way, before…How I’d connected seeing her then, last week seeing Star Wars, and now. Or I was thinking, and something resonated, but I can’t remember.

Joe Rogan is also born August 11th

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

I just looked at Facebook, and saw he made this post. August 11th, being the 223rd day of a year…223 added to 162 (June 11th is the 162nd day of the year), to get 385, that I found “in” a butterfly, in this post Joe talks bout a caterpillar and a cocoon, at the end (this may get rewritten).

There are others. Chris Hemsworth is first in the list displayed when August 11th is searched (Google). Joe Rogan is third. Tomi Lahren is fourth…

my birthday + 223 days

Tuesday, December 26th, 2017

With certain consideration, I found what date of the year, as day of the year, would have to be added to my birth-date, to make 385 days. August 11th is the 223rd day of the year, and when 223 is added to 162, the day of the year of June 11th (my birthday) normally (non-leap years), the number that is arrived at is 385, and the date if counting 223 days from the 162nd day of the year is January 20th- The day that the presidential inauguration has taken place in the United States since 1937.

When I found that this day that when “added” to my birth-date was August 11th, to make 385, I had just looked at the profile of a recently deceased female, who was born August 11th, and died one day before her 18th. Her name was Hannah. She went to the church that I went to growing up– which my mother has been a part of for seemingly most of her life. She was the pastor’s daughter. She died right-about when I…”lost faith”.

She helped my mother in the nursery.

When I looked up “223rd day of the year” – to find the date, and then focusing more on the date with a search of August 11th, I saw in Google the the famous people who have a birthday on this date. As I am, I tend to focus more on women, in ways. Cute blond. Tomi Lahren was the first that I looked more into/about. I found that she was born in Rapid City, South Dakota. This is about 13 miles away from U.S. Route 385. A road that is a state road numbered 44 goes to U.S. Route 385, and S.R.-44 is also another road designated T237 as it reaches U.S. Route 385. This is near the terminus. 237 is a number that I ‘found’ by finding the gematria of the name of one that I found focus on the number 385 with/by, with my last name (instead of hers). Rapid City is the biggest city in the immediate vicinity of this end of U.S. Route 385.

This end of 385 – the terminus is in Deadwood/Lead. There is an underground research facility in Lead. It’s the deepest underground research facility (in the U.S.), and it is in an old gold mine. They do research/experiments, in the study of dark matter, neutrinos, and other projects