Archive for December, 2017


Sunday, December 31st, 2017

sometimes clothes cause allergic reactions. i have a pair of red socks i can’t wear because i get throat swelling-feeling. i am starting to think that other clothes do as well, and this is where i’m getting certain reactions from. i never get skin reactions. for me it’s always something in my throat – in the left side. it’s annoying.


Sunday, December 31st, 2017

Sometime before, possibly after my last entry, I thought about Sylvia Hoeks- An actress who starred in Blade Runner 2049. I was thinking about watching it (purchasing, on digital). Why I thought about her, I thought it came from writing about Danish genes (she’s Dutch, and I thought, from memory, that she might be Danish – but they are near).

I felt more drawn to look up information about her, while in the shower.

The first time I have looked at her Instagram page was then after. My last entry I write about body and mind, or mind and body. Her last post, she is in a pose, and talks about Yoga, and the last words in it are capitalized: “THE MIND TAKES UP TOO MUCH OF OUR TIME AND SPACE.. LET THE BODY JOIN IN”.

I also considered that her last name, Hoeks – the sound, like “hoax” (not to say it’s connected, necessarily, in any ‘real’ sense) – and it’s meaning, I thought and confirmed after relates to a “nook” or “corner”. I connected that my first ex-girlfriend (that I was serious about, who I considered marrying) has the last name, Calhoon, meaning “nook”, or “corner”, also, and that she was the beginning of my relationships with females, on this level – and that after her and the rest of them, I wrote their names and saw the first letters spelled out the word, “mask”. The first movie I saw with her was Blade. The second may have been Soldier (in theaters), which was a spiritual successor to the first Blade Runner film (I had yet to watch it, or know about it).

Sylvia’s character’s name, Luv, may mean “particle” in Sanskrit. Or it could mean “Love”, which may go with this- Love-itself, also with this, the fact that she resembles Rachael from the first film, who was Rick Deckard’s (blade runner in original) love-interest. And Love, as a name, may mean “female wolf”, which also goes with this character.

Replicants in the original film were said to live for 4 years. From the birth of my first ‘real’ girlfriend, to my last one (and youngest), there were just about precisely 4 years. One was born July 2nd 1981, and the last July 1st, 1985. This is 1-day shy of 4 years. After them I met one other who I considered in a way the same as the others, and who was the first that I told about seeing the pattern in the letters from the first names, along with numerological alignments of sorts (first female, in person). I met her 9723 days after I was born. There was a deadline I was to consider related to her wanting to remove storage – I was to help her, that came 9731 days after I was born. This was a cause of my messing up around her, causing confusion, and insecurity, with the confusion. 9732 I saw were numbers of Rick Deckard’s apartment, in the first movie. This person had just moved into a new residence when I met her. Storage was to be moved out, to there.

healthy in mind, and body

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

if i were healthy in my mind, i may take the time out of life to get repairs to my body. i need to repair many teeth, and currently my right hand doesn’t work like it did– neither does my left, but my right effects my hand more. i would like to play video games again. i just tried to simulate playing by holding the controller, and the trigger-finger actions can’t be done without pain.


I may not accept your terms

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

I doubt you’re being honest, too.

Danish DNA and happiness

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

“The results were surprising, we found that the greater a nation’s genetic distance from Denmark, the lower the reported wellbeing of that nation. Our research adjusts for many other influences including Gross Domestic Product, culture, religion and the strength of the welfare state and geography.

The second form of evidence looked at existing research suggesting an association between mental wellbeing and a mutation of the gene that influences the reuptake of serotonin, which is believed to be linked to human mood.”

Evolution didn’t stop below the neckline (or in the skin), and 200,000 years ago.

Continuing off the last entry/post: Danes live around Danes. Danes have developed a certain way, socially, and feel safe around other Danes to some degree, that is certainly different from how others feel around their own or others. Government (and/or corporations/businesses) moves Muslims and Blacks in. For whatever reason(s), crime around these groups is greater. Many sociological issues happen. Danes feel less safe in their own country. Danes are still expected to give up more space, by whoever expects these things. More space, and more of themselves. The fortune they got to, or their families have brought them to in their group’s evolution, is used as a tool to shame them (“privilege!”), especially if they’re not giving it away, or “sharing it equally”, even with those who won’t reciprocate, or simply cannot. Danes, simply, have fewer Danes around. And it would follow that they have to compensate for fewer “happy” people. They have fewer happy people to rely on. They have more people that would get mad if they showed some ankle or drew Muhammad or walked a fucking black dog in the park.

If it is genetics, and if happiness is a strength that can be strengthened through genetics, and if Danes have a certain make-up that benefits them in happiness, mixing with others would not prove to be a “diversity is strength” scenario. It could be to the detriment of anyone wanting to continue something good.

Frankly, multiculturalism-itself as it’s being promoted is an attack on people like Danes. It’s neglectful – that these are people, too. It neglects this, and treats them as if they’re king/queen-gods/goddesses that have been around since Ancient Greece and it’s time for them to play fair. It neglects the laws of nature.

By this, I actually think Hitler “was right”, in respects. Or, at this point, I would almost be willing to set back the clock and see how things went, his direction. Because this is fucked.

Do white people have a right to self-determine – to exist as separate, distinct people, with/following their own interests?

Sunday, December 31st, 2017

I often read something like the title of this post.

I think more clearly it should be…”Do you think that people have a right to feel/be safe?”, because that’s basically what the reality is that it comes down to. If you add a number of Muslims to Germany and Germany is now 50% Muslim, “Germans” won’t be as safe.

White people are being victimized.

Jews move to White countries to be safer around White people and White civilization/society.
Arabs move to White countries to be safer around White people and White civilization/society.
Blacks move to White countries to be safer around White people and White civilization/society.
Etc. Meanwhile, Whites have fewer White people allotted to them, and feel less safe. And more confused. They go up. We go down, to meet them. More like we get dragged down.

We did develop differently, and we are different. And really I don’t completely recognize the idea that we’re brother and sisters in this life; I tend to think of other races as enemies, sometimes– Along the lines of completely different species, because we really shouldn’t breed with them, in most circumstances. Things are circumstantial, but it should not be promoted. I tend to think the Old Testament views are more aligned with reality. Like, where it is said to not allow your sons and daughters to marry these others, because they might worship “other Gods”. If I can relate a God with a law, and religion with law, and custom with law, then certainly, we live according to different customs than others, and our culture is different, and the way of our society is different, and marrying outside is a potential threat to the “worship” in this way, to this God (and what a people have come to accept, and what they desire/expect in their basic processes…what they value). Do you like foot binding? How about eating albinos? How about female genital cutting? In a way, interracial mixing is definitely against God… And you ask all these others to follow you. You stretch the skin and now it’s ugly in this spot, and it makes everything ugly. It’s ugly and weak. It’s a liability. It requires extra care. All this attention.

it’s probably because i’m bored

Saturday, December 30th, 2017


and pathetic.


Friday, December 29th, 2017

Continuing from before – about trains. . .My first night back at work, at some train-tracks near a place called Fruitdale, the lights were flashing as if a train was coming, but no train was near.

My brother and his family stayed another night at my parents, and the next night (after train crossing lights) as I was leaving for work they were again watching The Polar Express.

I wrote earlier about a circle, and tonight someone with a spare tire on their car pulled out from 385W, outside of Rushville- This place with this number, and a mailbox with the name Berry near it. I wrote about a circle in relationship with some – not that I explained it all perfectly, but one was one I first saw or focused on and processed thought with this number- 385.

Today I recognized that my bank account ends in 385, as well.

Tonight as I was driving past a place called Bean Blossom, where I had for some time taken a detour beginning right before the tracks (Railroad Road) that came back to this road (135) in Bean Blossom, I remembered that it was the Dollar General store in this town that gave me the idea to upload a picture of their logo, and I processed to this coming from that direction I would be coming from from taking the detour. I used the Dollar General logo as my profile picture, and then I heard that one (associated 385) was suing someone for a dollar.

I also recently connected that my sister works for the same card company that the card that I saw the number 385 on, putting out cards at different stores. The morning that my alternator stopped functioning on my route in the unlit morning hours, when I had questioned what the number meant to her- Taylor Swift, and my car came to a stop right after an address of this number outside of Nashville- My last stop then, and my car was towed to and repaired in Taylorsville, would have been the first morning I remember being aware of her job. I didn’t connect it then. I slept at her house that morning waiting for my car, after she picked me up and took me there.

I also didn’t know I was sleeping next to Taylor Road. I sound obsessive. But for what I could be – I’m probably not.

Don’t make it like a haunted house assholes.

Thursday, December 28th, 2017

I guess I could go the “sweet” way

Thursday, December 28th, 2017

and not get mad, no matter what, as long as it isn’t overtly attacking me. I’m thinking about the other night when I viewed a picture/pictures of someone from Henderson, TN, then opened OKCupid to see, after an interesting image (after I had not opened it in a long time – not using it so much in the past couple years), after an interesting image of a person, named Rose, someone from it seemed to be from Hendersonville, TN– a place far outside of the search area so not to be expected, but coming as it did right after, or with thoughts of one from Hendersonville, TN, I don’t know the words to use….

I understand in hindsight I shouldn’t react in anger, but it really is frustrating when it feels like I’m being watched, and I can’t see what is watching me. I don’t think that God or ‘spirits’ of sorts operate in our reality this way. They don’t break rules like this…But I know that occasionally it will show me someone from outside the search area – in this ‘swipe’ feature. It may be because they were passing through, or something, near this area. I don’t know. So I can’t even confirm that what I got mad about was really out of the norm. If it was absolutely verifiable that it shouldn’t act this way, then I would have a reason to be suspicious. I don’t even really have that. What I experienced was a kind of coincidence.

Earlier this night I heard “Dope Show” by Marilyn Manson. He mentions “covers” and “love” in a part of this song, together, and this first occurred, or did occur once, as I was passing a truck with her name– Swift.

…And I have to give some challenge to that association. She is not the only ‘Swift’. Swift didn’t begin with her. But in my consciousness, the name resonates with her the most, right now. She carries it. I have related with it more ways than I had before, through her.

I had found her around “covers” recently. She released new media after deleting her old (on social media) on the day of an eclipse, and I first started to think of her prior to this, through a connection of association made to a friend of hers – who I associated with her, who wore a see-through yellow shirt in an image that I saw right after I saw an image for FarCry 5, where a man is wearing yellow-lens glasses in the center of a group at a table that is supposed to look like the last supper- He being in Jesus’s position…and I wondered what it would look like to see through those lenses, thinking of the yellow color, and then opened Instagram to see a picture of her. I started to consider her, as well, in a way that one might consider a romantic-interest. She has a disease that means “wolf”, and a woman in a bridal dress and veil is in this image (the only woman in it) in a position with a wolf-looking canine, both white color (dress and wolf).

So I had a crush on her friend. I don’t think calling it a “crush” satisfies it. But I considered Taylor through her, not that the thoughts of her were new with this. It was just harder to not consider?

Selena, who I saw wearing see-through yellow just after I wondered what it would be like to see through the yellow lenses, has Lupus, meaning “wolf”. I related with her birthday being 7/22, opposite of my mother’s (‘numerologically’), being the 203rd day of the year, which when added to the day of the year I was born (162) made 365. I considered “Loop” with this– Lupus. Loop us. How things seemed to be on a kind of circle with other things. I couldn’t really arrange things in a  higher or lower than way, or better or not as good. I saw it as all together. But I also struggled with how this was used. How she had this disease, that also “fit”, in some ‘way’. Hmm.

Her next-released single was called Wolves.

I see how some things sync up, in ways, and this is enough to drive me a bit insane. When I see communications from programs, such as Facebook sending me a notification of a synchronicity about breakdowns when my car broke down, that was a post that was made hours earlier and I was just now receiving it, and other things, it makes me feel like someone is watching. One can understand how this is troubling.  Still I can’t confirm anything, and perhaps if I had not eaten bananas that night that Henderson TN showed up I may not have reacted that way. I tend to let things go when I don’t eat sugar, like that. So maybe when I don’t eat sweet I can be sweet. Ha. Ha. But still, people, if they do this, need to stop. If they watch, they need to just knock on my fucking door.