I have been curious about the times of my relationships to my exes. In research – I think I remember the first movie that I saw with my first girlfriend. I think it was Blade. It came out on 8/21/1998. This was the first time out that I remember with her. I think her brother and another female went with us. Our relationship was new. I can’t positively remember the details, but I remember seeing this movie around this time, and I remember her brother liking it, and talking to me about it, as if we shared the experience – possibly. I think Katie- Who became my girlfriend, and I talked there in the car at a house. Perhaps her brother and this other person gave us some privacy. Maybe we decided we would have another date, or be together.

I seem to remember we watched Soldier shortly after this. It’s the next film in the list of movies from that year that I remember seeing. Katie’s brother may have come to this one as well, and maybe another girl (or more). Soldier-I recently found, is a “spiritual successor” of Blade Runner, taking place in the imagined universe.

I am actually not sure what I remember– If I watched it in the theater, or at home…But I think it was the theater. I think I wanted to watch it, because of my interest in “robot-human” like movies, like RoboCop, Terminator, etc.

The lifespan of a replicant in Blade Runner is 4-years. After Katie, I had a relationship with Sara, then Alisha- With my mom’s last name, then Marilyn. Without detailing it all, I analyzed the names of these people…writing them down, and looking at them multiple ways. One of the first “orders” that I saw (I was looking for order when I did this) was that the way I had written them the first letters spelled the word “mask”. Relating to 4 years, they were born precisely 4 years apart, using birth-dates of the first and last. Other numbers allow it to relate to in number other things, like the One World Trade Center (and more relates with that, as well).

8/21/2017, 19 years after the release of Blade, there was an eclipse- The first that I witnessed. I was focused on a person, whose first name means “to cut”, around this time, paying attention to synchronicity. She released – she’s an artist – something new on that day, after deleting everything. It was as if my attention to her built up to a point, and it didn’t feel like an accident when she came into the light.

She made a video, for one of her songs, where she is like a robot, borrowing from Westworld, and perhaps others (Blade Runner? Though those are biological robots of sorts). I had, over time built some association to her with Islam. This week as well, other things happened, including Saudi Arabia making a “female” robot a citizen- The first country to do so in the world.

I don’t really tend to think that what I see is absolutely real, much of the time. I think it’s all kind of layered, and in a way like a mirage, sometimes. Not to say it isn’t there for me, or that I don’t, or can’t drink from it, in ways, but I wouldn’t know how to share it. I also don’t expect connection, from this.

The last girl I fell for, in life, was Donna. I met her 9723 days after I was born. Deckard in Blade Runner lived in apartment 9732. 9731 was a dead-line date, for Donna to remove things from her storage, so that she didn’t have to pay for another month, and it was around this that I messed up. Blade Runner focuses on memory (“storage”). 9732 would be the day after this dead-line. Exactly one year from that, I thought I had a heart attack, and went to the hospital. Exactly one year after that, I took it easy that day. The following day of work I delivered one order, to a person with the last name “Hart”, and then went home for the day, as it was a slow day. One year again after (going by the year-year dates, Jan 31st) my last grandparent died, on my first niece’s (or sibling’s child’s)- Anna’s 13th birthday.

I don’t really feel like trying to detail everything, as I don’t have it all in focus right now– How would be appropriate, perhaps. Sometimes less may be more. I also associated Donna to this artist (Taylor), in time, in some sort of way. But I couldn’t name it absolutely. We’re all human, and like and unlike each other, and there are common things that happen with us. Life would have to be made of patterns. I’m not sure about these such patterns, but it is definitely patterned in many ways. I did consider her a “lead singer”- Donna, relating with ‘Prima Donna”- “First Lady” (“chief female singer of an opera”). Donna was also born on a day where a solar eclipse occurred, and I associated her to Islam, as well, seeing for the first time in my mind’s eye (with anyone) a kind of veil over her face (kind of like I couldn’t process how beautiful, and it was as if it was like a wedding-type veil, or at least white, and colors shined through)- But this wasn’t all, necessarily.

Islam means “submission (to God)”. I test, but generally I find wisdom in this word- Itself. I am not sure about following the words of another, blindly, though, and again, have simulated in my imagination points of contention with Muhammad, and various others–Simply by how reality happens to happen, for starters. But Donna was born on the same day (date of a year – May 30th) as the man who purchased the lease to the WTC complex, and while I was with her, before I had knowledge of this, I imagined buildings falling, out of some desire to protect her- Feeling that I would sacrifice a lot…”for us”. There wouldn’t be a second thought, if it was us against…Or us or “them”. This was right after I saw/imagined the veil.

I didn’t have a relationship with her – At least nothing conventionally called a relationship. But we don’t stop having “relationships” with our experiences/memory. I haven’t thought of any way to re-connect with her, after everything. I do love her (that’s unconditional).

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