Archive for November 2nd, 2017

Also- Void

Thursday, November 2nd, 2017

Donna, a female who I met years back, I tend to watch for her. I would have to say it is because there has been “return” enough to do so. She’s interesting/in-sync. Sometimes I think I need to just stop paying attention, anyways. I don’t like the way that sounds, though, or the emotion that might be behind it. Things got messed up. I probably – at the time I met her – should have known better than to be meeting anyone, as I wasn’t in the state to take anything seriously. In-fact, when I met her, my plan was just to try to use her for sexual purposes (how to say), and not be invested, but she was not someone I wanted to “use”- Just once. She was kind of a wake-up call, in ways. I had been “asleep”, voluntarily, after finding something before her. I can’t really say a lot has changed, but I have learned some things. I still often wish I could erase the memory, especially of her’s-of me.

Her family recently died. I found that I made posts around the times of their deaths that I can relate with death. When I met her, her father had died in years prior, and she was still very-much dealing with it, getting emotionally shaken around explanation.

Her mother I found died in 2016. On that day, I posted about an episode of Star Trek- Called “Time’s Arrow”, and created an order with numbers, connecting them where previously they had been separated (in a kind of order-arrangement). She died on 9/09/2016. Time’s Arrow was the episode that I had last watched as of that date, although it had been awhile since I was watching the show; In curiosity, because the date was the anniversary of Star Trek, The Next Generation’s anniversary, I decided to check.

I searched for Donna this morning, I think- This may have been the first time, with reference to the following: In addition to a recently-active account that she operates, one that she had three years ago is now also active. Both her profile image and cover image are black (void).

The date that she uploaded them seemed to be October 11th, 2014. I’m not sure if she was offline on this day. Her brother died approximately 4 years later, on October 12th. He was her last remaining immediate family, from the core- Of her parents. I love her. If I could create a perfect person to be in her life, to be with her, I would. I can’t imagine. I don’t mean to act as if I can feel, or understand. She shared the information about the deaths on October 24th- My dad’s 74th birthday, and on a day when I imagined what it would be like if they both (parents) died, considering it. I say I love her, but again, part of my ‘torment’ involving her is that I knew she was (not to say I am not) troubled in life, and had trouble with relationships with people. I wasn’t expecting to meet someone I might want to marry, and wasn’t ready, or being ready would mean a kind of surrender, and that made me feel weak. Not even to say she would have me. But still, she had an effect on me. I have often just wanted to see her truly happy- To know she was living in love, loved, and was in love with a family of her own (I do this so that I would have a clear reason to release, not that I think it’s my job, or that I am so arrogant or “in-her-life” or can justify myself, but I have found it easy to release when I know that people are well, and on satisfactory paths, if I love them)… I posted about this in Synchronicity, on the day that happened to be when her mother died (last parent). I said that I wished that the next time that I saw her, she had a child. As I seem to struggle with this, with “race”- Sometimes, and identity (group-togetherness), I considered, that I didn’t really want her to be with another- Other than White, but accepted and said “maybe East Asian”- Or something like this.  I received a message sometime after, from an AsianDate site from a profile attached with the name Xing- Meaning “Star”. I hadn’t noticed messages from them in quite some time, and had forgotten I had set up an account. I saw a star through the fog/mist in the sky, and then shortly after this a song by an artist named Vega- “Tom’s Diner” I think was the song, came on. Vega is a star. Donna now lives in Las Vegas. Vega may relate with a “falling eagle”, or “falling vulture”.

I also related her with The Great Pyramid, and 203. I would have to retrace some steps, though. She’s the first person that I associated with “Isis” (or maybe related is a better word here- I did not think she “is” Isis, not that she isn’t somehow spiritually connected to what Isis may have been). She was born on the day of an annular-”ring” eclipse. I met her on 1/23, which, if like a number, 123, can relate with 203 through 123 seconds/minutes being 2:03, but I don’t think that was “it” (as in, everything). 23 is the 9th prime number. 9 is the highest single numeral. 23 in our counting system is also at a “highest” place, before a “zero”, in our timing of 24 hour-days. 23:00 is the last hour before 00:00 (24:00=00:00, on the circle). The 23rd prime number is 83. 83 seconds is 1:23. 123, again, seconds/minutes, is 2:03. 203 was the first number that I considered- To see about the timings this way, finding it linked in ways to 23 – specially.

But, I can’t judge. I don’t mean to judge what is right or wrong, for her. I just want love (including to her/others), because that works out for me. Admittedly it seems simple that we as biological organisms want to continue the path that we have been on, though- What we were essentially made for. So this is not to deny that.

How I might relate

Thursday, November 2nd, 2017

Last night (this-morning) I finished my route 203 minutes into the day. Today something that was once measured to be 203 “steps” or courses high – there was announced there was found an extra “void” (I may have just heard the word, “void”, on the television, after writing it…my father is watching, it was on a commercial for ‘Xfinity’) that was found inside the Great Pyramid. As I was leaving this place a car that I had parked by- The alarm system started to go off, as soon as I left the building, walking to my car, and then it stopped as I passed behind it. After it went off, the lights came back on, without the alarm system going off, and the rear, white-reverse-lights came on, as I was going to leave.

On the way home, I was driving through Columbus, IN, and I decided to take a slightly different path through, which would take me by my sister’s house. She lives off of Taylor Rd, on the east side of the city. As I reached 25th street, where I would then turn right-east to meet IN-46, to go home, on it I noticed I was behind a car with a license plate with numbers of 176- Letters I can’t remember (I didn’t pay a lot of attention). The numbers in front of me in my car, on the odometer were 440106, and the range was 44. 106 as a number I most recently identified with the date that Blade Runner 2049 came out. This relates to ‘Taylor’, in some ways, one being that the name/word means “to cut”, which goes with “blade”. I noticed later-also, that Taylor Rd ends on the north-end with an option to go to a road called “Sawin”- Which I had not seen before, and related with a ‘saw’. On mother’s day, I had just seen the preview for Blade Runner 2049, and as I arrived to my sister’s house, where we were having something for mother’s day, as soon as I got out of the car I heard a power-saw of some kind activate from an unknown location around there, cut something, and stop. The timing was pretty much as soon as I got out of my car, closing the door and heading in, and it was the one time I heard it go. Inside as I walked in there was a copy Hacksaw Ridge (from Redbox) sitting next to the computer, which is located at the entrance to the kitchen, so one walks by as they enter. Next I saw in the living room/family-room a copy of the Bible opened to a page where pages had been removed/torn-out, just after where to starts to talk about the ascension of Christ. In the preview for Blade Runner there was also shown the part where the blade runner- K goes to investigate something he thought was about himself, and pages of a source had been torn out.

176- I recognized, as I met a female, whose father was from Iran, so I associated her with it. Her name’s gematria can be this. She was on my mind recently when I found numbers of Rick Deckard’s (“original” blade runner) badge number (the longest string in it, 263), align with the name- Where I see the name regularly (on my route for work), and when I found a Deckard Church near Belmont, IN, after a “rambling” woman in Nashville, at my stop there for work (where I ended last night, or this morning – She was then in the TV/game-room/activities-room) kept repeating “come sit with us down at Belmont…”. Rick Deckard in the novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was said to be married to someone named Iran. In the film, Blade Runner, 44 seems to be featured on the car that Deckard drives/flies.

Iran- The girl/female who I met who had rooting from there, was born on a day that I first associated with/around Islam, or things around Islam, and the film, District 9, which is about aliens that come to earth, and become as refugees. That date was 8/14. She was my first close-connection with someone from the ‘Islamic world’, in this sense, and the reason I associated the date of her birth, originally to it, was that at the time that I saw the film District 9, released on this date, I read about Ramadan on a day that I had inadvertently fasted (didn’t eat- Something to Ramadan). I felt some kind of spiritual connection to it. Soon after this in time I recall the refugee crisis began, from the Islamic world. I met Rebecca (with Iran roots) a few years later. Her name means “noose”, and the night prior to meeting her, a muscle in my neck got pulled, while at a location with a name beginning in the word Bell, in a town of Bloomington, IN- Where I first saw the name Deckard in life (registering it), on a funeral home near this point where I deliver.

I had, around the time I met her (Rebecca), just started to relate with Norse Pagan symbols, or rather to the story around Odin, and his finding of the “runes”- After hanging from a tree for 9 days. I related it with a dream I had, and I was at this time led to look at this through looking at the etymology of my name.

When I met her, she mentioned the pictures I had uploaded, as I had done so, relating with Odin. She said that her ex was an Odinist, and that he hung himself. This was the first time I had met anyone with this kind of connection, like this- To someone who took seriously such things. Not that I didn’t “take it seriously”. But the story was surprising to me, coming at the timing (pulled muscle, as it was, and my investigating, and her name – meaning “noose”…).

When I began to think of her again, recently- I came to the number 814 later, when I stopped to get nourishment, as it was parked in front of me (on a car’s license plate, nearest/clearest to me). I had just been relating with marriage – I found the dates that my mother and father were married, sister and her husband, and brother and his wife, that the chronological-day-number of each year they were married in totaled 611- Which I related first in life, that I remember, with my birthday (6/11). I have since had knowledge/reference added – that 611 is a gematria in for the word “Torah”- In Hebrew, and that this was the number of commandments/instructions made by Moses. 611/3 I found was 203.6777_- This number as 203 I had found relation to-with before, with Egypt, and with my birth, for one (203 days are left in the year on 6/11). I began to relate “law” (as Torah is related with) and “marriage”. Both are binding/bindings.

One of my first attempts to wright about 8/14, and Iran/Deckard, and Rebecca – recently, when I stopped, I went to Youtube, and found a video with other numbers I was attracted to- A Numberphile video (“real” math study) about the “10958 problem”- Which shows how easily many numbers are broken-down/solved by single numbers, but not 10,958. I was attracted to the 958 part of it, and curious – checked it out. The first number in this video that he “solved” using a method, for an example, was 814.

At some point, soon-later, I found that 611+203=814 (or 611+203.677=814.677). Not that this relates so precisely, as in, I did not marry her on her birthday, necessarily…

Rebecca’s daughter’s name is Roan, who was born 12/25. Roan- I considered at first to mean “Raven”, associating with Odin’s ravens (thought and memory), but Rebecca said she meant it in reference to the Rowan Berry- Something associated with Christ/Christmas.

I watch the show- Vikings. After the main star of the show up to a point- Ragnar dies, his sons and his brother have gone south, in the direction of the Mediterranean Sea, where there is the first introduction of the Islamic Caliphate, and Muslims, and at the end of this episode (I think it was) was the first time that Odin was portrayed (missing one eye, also on a boat over water, in- I think, a vision).

Last night, before work, a man who was parked on the ramp – his battery lost charge. I was the first to offer him a job. He is missing his right arm/it was amputated (war veteran). On his other arm there is a flying saucer tattoo, and a “magic mushroom”. I first saw him on the anniversary of the date that an alien abduction was to have taken place, that was the first widely reported one in the United States (Bruce and Betty Hill), and the night/morning prior, I was considering the loss of- Potential loss of function in my hand, due to carpal tunnel problems. After I saw the man who was missing one arm, at first, I took a walk, and hurt my neck when I leaned forward, and had a thought of my head “popping off”, and later related this with the UFO/Flying-Saucer being a kind of disc, like the Mushroom…This night I had been relating with Divorce; On the way to work I saw something at a road called Division, in Fountain-something (a town), and then when I got to work, I saw a picture on Facebook posted my first girlfriend in Middle School (sort of a first, for girlfriends), whose last name was Irrgang- Which I was told means “labyrinth”, of her parents, now-divorced, with her daughter, at Grandparents day at her daughter’s school. I had her mother for my English class in high school, when I got my license, and got my car from her father, who had rebuilt it. My original teacher had the last name, Stall- She was taking a long leave to have, and be with her child. Her daughter, close to my age, married a guy named Hunt, who was Black (Stall is White- This pairing would be rare from our school/home-town). Her husband and Hunt-both were in ministry. Hunt’s father (Chris is his first name) was a police-officer, and brought a modified Camaro to school, showing it to the students, parking it in the courtyard to be seen. I think the Stall family moved to Huntingburg, IN, which is very near to a location in Jasper where I delivered to at 1111 Church, where the man with one arm now goes to (and others who work under a guy named Tom…I work independently, although I could hire others- I don’t). I spent a lot of time around this area right after I had a kind of “being in a space-craft” dream, that has stuck with me- The dream that I have related with Odin finding the runes, falling- As I saw symbols on my way “down”, from the craft, after feeling like I was hanging first. The only symbol I could understand, or the only one that was centered, in focus, was “love”. I thought the symbols were stars at first, and it was like I was in “hyperspace”. I woke up screaming, and I think my night-guard retainer that I used at the time was in a bad position that made my unconscious think I was choking.

The Great Pyramid, also, is missing it’s capstone. There is another “void”, or 0- pre-related by me, before this.

It isn’t really that this clicked, necessarily, or that I am forcing it to be this way- Some way, related, but I began to write in the spirit of exercising creativity/my-brain.

Labyrinth- Also, I forgot to mention this- When I got to work that night (seeing the people who had the name that meant this), a man posted images of, and related with labyrinths. I was alerted to this post while waiting for orders for work, where I saw the man with the tattoos on his remaining arm…