Archive for October, 2017


Thursday, October 26th, 2017


“Rich and famous”

Friday, October 20th, 2017

I wrote about this before- How I know them because they are…I also had a thought that they are there because I “know” them. Or am supposed to know/see them. Again- This is not to imply some exclusive connection. My language could perhaps get better.

Tested car

Thursday, October 19th, 2017

Still sick to stomach as I drive it. Of course- I’m just overreacting. Not to be this way. Not to try to be this way.

At my first stop behind a vehicle I was seeing the number 408, on a Ford Fusion. I was writing about this number prior to leaving, as it is my parent’s anniversary date (4/08), and then I found it was also the date of birth for a person, who I saw in positions. The fact of occupation doesn’t mean any sort of connection, or that there should be, other than she might be like a courier/messenger- An angel. Her name might have it in it. She might wear clothes that have some part of the message/signal; It might be “with” her. Again- I don’t mean to name people as “mine”.

D408QM (D for Disability- I didn’t catch that, but thanks, God). After this Fusion went where I had initially gone to, another Fusion followed it from the other direction, with a plate of 163-Something. Usually there are three numbers and three letters. I don’t remember the three letters on this one, but 163 is next to 162, after it, and 162 is the date of the year of my birth, so 163 would be June 12th.

At the place where I got what I had gone to get, in process of testing, when I walked out of the building I noticed first numbers 509 on a car there by the entryway. 509 I related with the show, Mr. Robot, as these numbers I first found from it, or related as a unique number through it, and then I found it to be the number that may be found from the gematria of the name of a girl I might like- And my name…if she had my last name. She’s also really rich. In Mr. Robot, the “five nine” hack has to do with erasing records, and relief of debt, and 5/09 is the date of the main character’s father (also called Mr. Robot- Edward Alderson). Of course, I would have to resist this, since it is so obvious that I’m weak, and might lust for this kind of “way out”. At the same time, I can’t reject someone just because she is “rich”- In this thought experimentation. That would be just as bad as going after her because she is, and I haven’t- But I probably wouldn’t know about her if she wasn’t rich and famous. I also consider her an angel/messenger/courier, and I’m definitely challenged. She comes in/with beautiful alignment. The range-number that I saw in my car here was her name’s gematria. As I left this place, I saw an alignment of numbers that I have come to notice by their not being part of another pattern (that I found, with structure)– 5809. I followed this out.

When I got home, I noticed the time displayed in my car was 6:11 P.M. My birthday is of course 6/11. The range I noticed was 229- My written name’s gematria. I had a stomach ache from something. I can’t tell if it’s just the natural odor of the vehicle, as it’s been sitting for a month or so, or if it’s still from the intake system. It was rigged up in a different way today, but it is still rigged, and I don’t trust it. I just wish I could chop wood and not be around anything plastic…and fish, and mash some beans- Etc. Mother fucker. I’d rather die fast or in days than be hooked to machines, sedated…soaking in my cancer. T.V. playing commercials for crap products- Trying to sell me more plastic and preservatives and “air-freshener” and carpet glue.


Thursday, October 19th, 2017

Car got worked on today. What was done was just a patch-work “fix” -again. The shop that it has been worked on at has parts on order, but they are taking a while. Last time I drove it I was breathing either fumes directly from the engine or adhesive from tape they had used to cover holes in the air-intake manifold. This time, supposedly, they fashioned something (rigged, again) to plug the holes. I’m about done. My dad is helping me, but I’m not sure I have really ever been helped. As I have considered before, sometimes I think I just need to completely hit rock bottom and lose everything. It’s the same with doctors– I self-diagnosed my real problems, where they were just prescribing more antibiotics (and it was an allergy to a commonly consumed substance that was causing all of the issues). I don’t have a lot of confidence that I won’t be breathing fumes. I don’t have hardly any confidence that my ‘new apartment’ is going to be at any point a livable space for me. I’m very troubled, and I trouble others. I face guilt/shame. Often I consider suicide to be a logical option in this. I consider that I wish I had a path to euthanasia. My illness isn’t accommodated. It doesn’t even have an accepted name to the medical establishment, and there isn’t really any treatment except avoidance of the things that make one react.

And with it, I am faced with the “eternal” optimism of those around me. The expectation – that the next move will yield success. But I know it is much more likely that it won’t. I have learned not to expect a lot- That others might. I’ve had to do this, or else I’d constantly be let down. I am sick, and the sickness hasn’t left my mind alone. No doubt, I have been depressed by it, and I am often at a loss of motivation to change once I do reach stable points, so I might have a tendency to stagnate, or go into routines that aren’t really that productive- But that offer me some degree of normalcy and satisfaction of expectation.

I have also broken in ways, that make it harder to fix myself in other ways. I’ve been in ways chained. I hate it.

I have sometimes associated with numbers- Things, thoughts, concepts, relationships — One of the number’s, 203, is the exit that I take for work, and is a number that I first may relate to through it being the number of days until the end of the year at my time of birth. This job has awarded me the most ‘stability’, and ‘independence’ in my life so far, of any job that I have held. I’ve had it for about 5 years. There are many things wrong with it, but the potential earnings are higher other places that I might be able to “get a job” with. I also have found association of this number with a rather iconic, and “mysterious” thing in the world- The Great Pyramid – as the number of steps or courses that were in it, and it has reflected, in-form, the first number that made me pay attention- 23. In a way it has been a “key”. And here I am getting to the fact that also now to do with fumes, at my last location, a patient who has been in room 203, which is right next to and the closest to any nursing station in the building – she has started to use some kind of plug-in “air-freshener”. Her last name is Key, and her first name is Helen. I have sounded this, at some points, testing, Hell – in? Am I in hell, and how was I born here? Any of my sins here would seem to be contained in the structure of it- Like I am, and the world around me is also – bound in my sin. I’ve also associated the word, sin, with Sense(s)– The original sin (and f-root of the tree of knowledge, of good and evil). This – how I am pained by these things, that are with scent. A message?-sent?.

I need to be clear- I don’t absolutely allow the association as to destroy some other meaning, of the personal name, Helen, with some personal association through some context, of “Hell In”. That’s not the way I would ever be able to “break the chains”, to fight with rejection in that way. I also understand that that would make me pretty delusional, at least in any useful sense(?) I’ve seen how the world seems fake, and empty, and for these kinds of things, I have raged at God- But it would seem God is untouchable- Even if always near/with, and that any anger directed at God seems to not be logical. I do believe that I can “sense” a pathway, but it is becoming harder and harder, even if in ways, easier (if I wasn’t broken, but also, I may be able to “let go of”, at this point, much easier- The world, and I consider that that is the path, perhaps, but some things keep me here, such as my human optimism, and hope).

I don’t know.

[Some Spoilers are ahead, for the films Blade Runner, and Blade Runner 2049.]

Also with 203- I found that the number roughly correlates with the days of the year that my mother and father were born, my sister, and brother, together- Averaged. I’ve also found it other ways, but my mom and dad were born on the 98th day of the regular year, my sister and her husband the 283rd day of the regular year, and my  brother and his wife the 229th day of the year. These summed come to 610. The average of 610 is 203.33_.  610- I also associate closely with my birth-date, as it comes on 6/11. I also – in this process saw that the actress- Robin Wright was born on my parents anniversary date, April 8th, as I queried information about the date. I include this because I recently saw her as Lieutenant Joshi in Blade Runner 2049, in which a date of 6-10-2021 is special, as a birth-date of one who is main in the story. In this, she is the direct authority/guide of/over Officer K (blade runner). I also consider that my first girlfriend, Katie- Her favorite movie seemed to be The Princess Bride, which Robin stars in. Robin was also last married to Sean Penn, whose birthday is August 17th- The 229th day of the year (and this number is what initially sparked interest- When I recognized that my brother- The first born of the children in my family was born on this day, where 229 is my name’s gematria). Earlier this morning, going with Blade Runner, still- I found that my birth-date to the incept date of Rachel- Deckard’s love-interest in the first film, and mother to 6-10-2021 -birth, is 13,130 days, and that June 11th, which I was born on, seems to be the one date that is “framed” by incept dates of replicants; Zhora, from the first film, is born June 12, and Ana, who is a “born” June 10th, and my birth-date is June 11th. Zhora also has a pet snake, and there was something there, with this, in this film- Some detail that I connected here, but have forgotten. 8-17 is also, if I remember correctly numbers first seen on the box retrieved that contains clues, relating with Rachel, and the one (Ana) found to be born 6-10-2021 (and again- 8-17 as a date would be August 17th). Katie, Sara, Alisha, Marilyn- Are names of exes who I did consider marrying. After them, in a kind of struggle, I wrote their names, as I have written- And I found that the first letters may spell MASK; When I wrote their names, I wrote them one-One line, the one-The other line, recent to most past, to see this, and then I have analyzed further, seeing in ways certain order in them, or at least coincidence that seems to not be not potentially artful. “Hmm”. I may come back and edit this. I am going to go test out my fume-mobile.


Thursday, October 19th, 2017


Spoiler alert? (ha)

The first replicant that the blade runner- Officer K in the new Blade Runner film meets is named Morton (Sapper Morton). In our common-consciousness, Morton may go with “salt”. He was cooking garlic (spice). Before he looks at K- The blade runner, he puts on certain glasses. Something blade runners seem to do is take an eye from a replicant that they are to bring in, or retire. I’m not quite sure, as my attention is here and there, sometimes, and I need to see/read things multiple times (sometimes having to think about it, or it coming up in thought later). At any rate, K is seen washing Sapper’s eye, and then lifts up the lid of the pot that is cooking the garlic. “Spice” (spys/sea-sin/see-son…others?..seizin…sea-zen, see zen).

Over the weekend, I was watching the first Blade Runner, before I saw 2049- Again. Near the end, as the-replicant (named Roy Batty) begins to talk to Deckard about all of the “things that he has seen”- Which in the way he talked, was like what Sapper Morton says – at the beginning of Blade Runner 2049- Saying that K has “never seen a miracle”. This scene where Roy Batty says this played as I brought up the IMDB page for Dave Bautista- Who plays Morton. I thought about the connection, as it played, and counted it as a kind of synchronicity. I didn’t consider how Roy Batty was very “salted”…with very white hair, and light skin, and light blue-eyes- Something that was in attention in the film. Also in his words were something about these sights that he has seen- How they will be forgotten “like tears in the rain”, as it was raining in the scene. He dies after he says what I’m trying to remember (I was a little distracted, as well…Probably going to see again), coming to the end of his natural lifespan. I thought about this tonight, thinking of the Morton Salt girl with the umbrella – in the rain….

In the second movie- In 2049, salt is also mentioned again later, with regard to a barren land- Referencing a womb of a newborn replicant. Sapper (Morton) is a farmer. The “newborn” seems to be covered with a kind of gel/sap. The miracle he mentioned is referenced to a birth…

Tuesday, October 17th, 2017

Met a neighbor at my new potential residence. She said she works at ‘Defender’- A security place. I just deleted a post in Synchronicity- Where I wrote how I had seen a license plate at this place, how we parked next to a car with letters BAT on it’s plate, and then went to a place- IKEA, where as we exited I noticed at the end of the row we had parked in, next to us was a Black Volvo with a plate of DRK KGHT.

I had just been in a kind of battle/fight with a guy, the day prior to this- He claimed we were being deceived about what happened in Las Vegas…That it was faked. As I noticed some synchronicity with what happened, I had a personal interest, and don’t accept his explanation. I have seen things seem “fake”, before, and things have aligned in ways that challenged my concept of my life-itself. Sometimes it seems like a conspiracy, but the amount of coordination required would go beyond what what I have conceived of ‘others’ – can do. The explanation he offered just seemed unlikely, and disrespectful to any potential other. I wanted him to provide his evidence– He wouldn’t any, nor would he show respect for my baseline, or my 0 (how I question too much to assume the starting “reality” to even begin to accept an idea he would present). I consider many things, but want to invest my mind wisely. What can I know? What is useful? Where can I go?

I wrote after the conversation/fight, a verse from the Quran, or words chosen from a verse: And they were deceptive, and Allah was deceptive, for Allah is the greatest of deceivers.

This night, as I struggled with these words, as for one, they-from their source are in context of a time when Christians believe Jesus Christ was arrested and crucified (and then following in this process, resurrected), but Muslims believe someone was arrested and crucified in his place. I wrote the verse down at Paoli (meaning Paul- Meaning “small”), while working my route, and then when I got to the town of my next route-stop, Bloomington, I stopped at the grocery, to get some seaweed, and on the way back to my car I walked by two Redbox machines, where the first cycled a title to the front as I passed-of Shadow of War, and the second as I came to pass, a title of It Comes At Night. Both I considered close to thoughts of “deception”, so I left what I wrote.

I thought of Batman, and the license plates that had made me think of it, last-night, or more precisely this-morning. I now also remember my dad this weekend confusing Superman Returns with Batman “Returns”, as I asked him what he was watching Saturday, or Sunday. But when I thought/reflected on seeing these plates, and my argument with the person, an hour or so later – I saw a notification come up on Facebook, where a page I had liked over the time I have had it, Batman: The Dark Knight changed it’s name to The Dark Knight Trilogy, and later changed their picture. It was the first update to the page since April 4th- Which was a picture of Heath Ledger, as The Joker.

Tonight meeting my neighbor, her saying where she worked (Defender), matched thoughts of Batman, or heros. I had begun having an allergic reaction to something around here. By her door is a rock with word, “Faith” inscribed on it. I wanted to have it- That I might have a place here. I haven’t moved in yet. I may not be able to.

Problem: My body is highly sensitive to things. It causes pain. But not sensing these things, or not reacting to them, may cause later pain, or unseen problems (like hidden systemic weaknesses). These things I don’t want to be around in the first place. Tricky territory.


…Dad and I went to Whole Foods between visiting my apartment, and IKEA. There was a moving in timing a Muslim woman in a headscarf. Also, in IKEA, the first time I moved in a straight path, another was straight ahead.

2:22, and Big Little Lies

Wednesday, October 11th, 2017

Over the weekend, I rented 2:22, and Big Little Lies: Episodes 1-2. I had intended to rent 2:22 the previous weekend, I am thinking, and also rented Contact then, to study– Specifically, to find what exactly was said about finding patterns in the chaos “of a washing machine”. The night that I began to watch Contact, then, I had reflected on a film I had seen in Las Vegas, and a time, relating to one that I had…related with “pattern” in, or with a washing machine, where I had said that “gambling made me feel sick”, and later that night – of that day that I said that, my car stopped due to loss of power (alternator and battery) after passing an address number- Of a number that I associated with the one, that day questioning what it meant to her. I carried the remaining orders for my last delivery the couple of miles or so to the location, and the first name that I saw on the order-sheets, at the top was ‘Gamble’. I don’t think I was aware of this as a name prior.

In Contact, they receive a signal from Vega, and I stopped watching/studying at 37 minutes in, when she began to receive it, which occurred right after the comment about the “patterns in the chaos” (of a washing machine, and static on a television screen). I related here with 37, as my route, which I had just attempted to switch from after years of running it, went mainly down IN-37 for a good portion of the time that I did it, it dominating of any one road- The total mileage/time on it, and the distance of the road was 229 miles, approximately – where the film is 2:29:xx. At 37 minutes, she hops in her car and drives in a rush back to the station to further study the signal she hears. This is the first time she (Ellie) is seen driving.

It was this night that Stephen Paddock attacked the people from his hotel room- The people at the Route 91 Harvest concert. I had just associated this number – 91 with the one I had related with/through the “washing machine”. When I began my new route, that Monday, I rode with a guy who shared a birthday with the guy who was playing (he rode with me) at the time of the shooting. After the route, I was given an extra order to take on my way home, for a patient with a name that to the best of my ability to tell at the moment might mean “arrest”, which was signed by a nurse with a name that relates to a “coarse, woven, wool fabric”- The kind given to Native Americans. I picked it up at Post Road– Exit 91 from I-70, outside of Indianapolis.

When I rented 2:22, this weekend, I also rented Big Little Lies. I had written about an arrangement of numbers- 11/15, and/or 11:15, relating them with individuals. I rented Big Little Lies in part because of one with this birth-date (11/15)- Mainly because of her, and curiosity as I had seen it come up as an option to watch on Xbox Live multiple times. And perhaps about the lies. I had related with her through a movie that is about uncovering a well-guarded secret, as I had come to this date, 11/15, through recognizing a name from the movie, near me (it is a rare-form of the name, and only one location that I know of has it, off-hand). I watched 2:22, first, and it is about a guy who sees patterns, always leading up to a point- A murder, coming at 2:22 in Grand Central Station. The last numbers he says in the film are “eleven-fifteen”. After finishing watching, I noticed the time was 2:23 as  I stood up, which was the time when-in the film, they knew they had gotten past that point (2:22). I then watched Big Little Lies, noticing I began it at at point- 4:18, which was by it’s numbers related to the birthday of the couple in the film- 2:22, 4/18.

I wrote about this, on Monday, and related it to the movie, Blade Runner 2049. The name, Deckard, from it, is what had prompted me to investigate the same name, which was on a funeral home near where I deliver, to a place with the name, Bell, in Bloomington. A flower in the film was related to him. 11/15 at the time was the birthday of the last person honored in their list of obituaries. I also related this birthday, first, with one whose middle name is a flower, and was the name of the first place that my mom passed through when in labor with me (outside of where she started, in Liberty). When I laid down to sleep- Tuesday, I noticed that my brother-in-law had, on Facebook shared a blog that he had written, titled Washing My Hands of God. I checked it out. It told a story about a family-friend of theirs, and a member of their “house-church”, who had lost a son this past February, named Abbot.

I remember around this time I started to think of this name, just prior.

His mother- Jackie, had gone on a hiking trip, and asked God for a rainbow as a sign. It got to the end, and she hadn’t seen a rainbow. She told God that she was “done with you”.

She and her group were being transported back by a couple of guides, who were a couple. She noticed on the man, who they referred to as “Standing Rock” due to his stature, had a tattoo of a baby’s foot-print. Included with this tattoo was her son’s- Abbot’s birthday- 7-9. As she recognized this, she told her friends, and Standing Rock’s wife explained that it was the date that their newborn child had died, so this tattoo was to commemorate the life, and showed her her’s, that had words in addition to the foot-print and the date, 7-9.

“There is a rainbow
of hope at the end
of every storm”

I liked this post of his. I remembered that I had too, sort of, lost a life, with a girl named Newborn, first name a form of Christ, on this date. I went to sleep. When I woke up, I went to the computer, and logged onto Facebook. I had just had a dream about a power-station, and riding a grizzly bear (that I got off of around the “power-stations”). As soon as I logged-in, the power cut. The last image that I saw was in the comments of a post made by a female whose partner is missing his right-ear (outer part), and who is a power-line worker. I have related with him, due to my altered right-ear. The image was of a socket of a missing tooth, that I was last focused on.

I started to think about it- That one who I had written about, born on 11/15, was how I first learned of the recent pipeline (energy) conflict– The ‘Standing Rock’ -protests. “Water-protectors”. It came close. I wrote about being arrested, and about my swim-team as a child, this date (October 11th), last year, in a forum on synchronicity. Then the next day, or so, I saw that this one had been arrested at Standing Rock, protecting water. I had hurt a main “pipeline”- Also (my back/spine), and I had in memory an association of her, with injury, or difficulty to do with her spine.

When I found out about the loss of life, I had just walked home from where I had dropped off my car to get it’s radiator replaced, from an impact that occurred near the city where Abbot is from. Abbot was run over by a car. As I began to reach my place from the walk, it began to rain, and then right as I got inside, it poured, and a crash of thunder hit. That night, I heard for the first time a song that I played when I first met the girl I had made the life with, by a band called Filter (and later she took me to where she worked, called The Filter). That next morning, she informed me that we had a child, growing inside of her, and 7-9, she terminated it. Last night at Union Chapel Rd, a girl was bouncing her head singing “Lightning and Thunder”. I turned here (to get food).

I watched the first show I have watched since these two things, last night (this-morning)- Star Trek: The Next Generation. I caught the end of the episode, where Data’s “mother” has been injured, and his “father” – as a holographic projection, implores him to not reveal the truth of her nature– That she is an android.



Sunday, October 8th, 2017

This week began (work), for me, with switching routes. On the first day, I went to test my car- I think, to see if it was still making me sick to drive it. The air-intake got taken out by a raccoon, and I didn’t know if it was something to do with that, or with the transportation of an open gas-container from the day it happened, later in that day. I had written about the number 227. I left to go test my car, and the first vehicle that I came to was a K and K Electric / Cain Heating and Cooling van, as I reached IN-44, from where I am living. I then turned onto 44, heading toward town, as the K and K Electric van went away from town. I got behind a car with a plate of 908TDA. 908- I recognized, as a multiple of 227 (x4), as I had just written about it.

Later this night, I went on the new route for the first time. It went to Mishawaka, in St. Joseph County. A sign at the exit that I may take to get to the place I delivered to was for Weaver Electric, and Weaver Heating and Cooling. This was the last business sign before turning there. Mishawaka may translate to a meaning of “dead tree land”, or “firewood-tree land”.

I took this route one more time – I wrote about more of this in other posts. The second time, I had a kind of hypersensitive reaction, or allergic reaction to the building. I asked to go back to my old route- To switch with the man who had taken it. This was allowed. Wednesday, I bought garlic. It may have been Tuesday, but I can’t clearly remember. This was the first spice that I have bought in some time. I had not yet connected that the cause of my reaction to the building may have been something – like an insecticide/pesticide, in carpet shampoo. I’m still not sure of anything. It could be the building materials themselves…

Garlic contains allicin. A voice told me to buy it- Although I can’t really trace the source, as something separate from myself, or my own thoughts – Although the voice has said things before they have happened in reality, and seems to know things that I don’t. Maybe we are just like close friends at this point, and our thoughts have been close- That we know each other in ways. But I imagine that I have been known, and am known, more than I know. I don’t know. Allicin works to defend against insects for the plant.

I went to watch Blade Runner, 2049 tonight. In the beginning, a man that is visited by Officer K- He is a farmer, and garlic is mentioned very close to the beginning, and is perhaps the first plant mentioned by name. He said he grows it for himself. There is a dead tree there, at the man’s house, and a flower at it’s base. The flower sparks the curiosity of Officer K. More or less all plant-life has been ruined on Earth by this point. No living trees. Only bio-enginneered food seems to remain. Everything is a wasteland…

At some point, Officer K. returns here, to this tree, and finds a wooden horse with a date on the bottom, which triggers a memory. The date is 6-10-21. I felt “close” to this, as it is close to my birthday- 6-11. 6-10-21 is a birthday.

Prior to seeing this, as I drove to the theater, I was talking with spirits/myself- About corporate globalism, and how they are kind of getting away with murder…and how without this industrialization, things would kind of self-balance. I related it with like some rapist injecting his semen directly into the abdomen of the wife of one, piercing her abdomen, while the married couple were engaged in sex. Or simply, perhaps, making a new hole in her abdomen, and fucking her through it, and perhaps letting her bleed to death. In this film, the first replicant that is shown to be born, a man does just this, in her abdomen (but he doesn’t have sex with her- He just relates this with procreation in a way, where he cuts her after). “The man” is the creator of these replicants.

When Officer K meets Deckard (from the first Blade Runner), the first thing Deckard says to him is – to ask him if he has cheese. I remembered her that my mother was eating slices of cheese this after-noon, and that I haven’t seen this in some time. As I left my parents house to go see this, as I’m staying with them currently (it’s hard to find a new place, that doesn’t offend my sensitive immune system, or whatever), they were just getting back from the orchard. The only place that I have seen Deckard in memory is as I leave (or get to) a place on my route, in Bloomington, IN. It is a name on a funeral home. As Officer K finds a flower at the bottom of a tree, a body of one is found under it, and this connects to a child, who is Deckard’s child. When he finds Deckard, he finds him first by seeing life-readings- A swarm of bees as he finds when he gets closer. Deckard may have taken up bee-keeping… Officer K finds Deckard after this.

The wooden horse, in a memory is hidden in a furnace. As I related a date/number of 6-10 as close to 6-11 (my birthday), I have previously found 611 in Fairfax County, Alexandria, VA (outside Washington D.C.), finding that a good section of it is on Furnace Rd. At a terminus of Furnace, 611 runs concurrently with 642 (unknown if any association)- Lorton Rd (meaning “roaring one”), and then terminates at 123/Ox Rd. Oxford, OH was my birth-place. 611 Fairfax is also an address I have found associated with one- Zena Lotus Grey, who was born 11/15. 11/15 is also the birthday of the person whose obituary is most recent at The Funeral Chapel of Powell and Deckard – Bloomington, IN (at a turn onto – or from a main road, after my midpoint delivery on the route I take, for work, at a place with a name that begins with “Bell”). 11/15 is also Shailene Diann Woodley’s birthday- She was my second association with the date…


Saturday, October 7th, 2017

Today I reactivated my Facebook account, to research- A post I had made about (over) two years earlier, where I shared an image of a class I was in, where the teacher was named Paddock. Actually, it wasn’t that one that I was going for, at first- It was one that I had made about 20 days ago, in a post where I shared an image of Snake Hill Rd, in Liberty, IN…Snake Hill Rd is the first sign of a road that is seen when one enters the city-limits for Liberty- Where I went to church as a child, and where my mom is from (and went into labor with me). From another side of town Paddock is the first road that might be seen.

When I researched this name in Synchronicity- A group I am in, on Facebook, the post I made around 20 days ago wasn’t showing up – but the one with the picture of my class was. I shared some thoughts around this, as the name came up recently, and was a name I feared in school, and noticed synchronicity with- With what happened recently. The picture was taken near Halloween, where my class dressed up as characters from history. I don’t remember who I was supposed to be, but I was wearing red. I had considered, or tested out, what I saw as a matching-up, or possible ‘pattern’ in the image, and from there (I’m struggling with language here) further analyzed/tried-to-analyze.

The original post came around when I went to visit a girl, who in the image stood behind me- She went as Helen Keller. I hadn’t ever one-on-one visited with her before, and it had been many years since I saw her, but I wished her a happy-birthday days prior (and took a picture of the sun-rise on her birthday, at first not relating with her, perhaps), and it sparked conversation, and then she asked me to dinner. She is very into Tim Burton things. She has tattoos of his art-work, and is tattooed very heavily. As the image came up again, today, I considered her affinity for Tim Burton, and wondered if there was some way I might relate it.

I left for work, sometime soon after sharing this- Perhaps ‘finishing’ (with a lot of attempts at “righting” myself- My writing). When I got to work, all of the doors were open; The bay door was open to the warehouse, as well as the main door we use to enter, and the pharmacy’s door within. I thought our orders were ready, but they were still pushing them out, and finishing up. This wasn’t in protocol. They usually push them all out at once.

My last post on my main “timeline” on Facebook consists of “bark bark bark bark bark…“-repeating this. I got off soon after, as I was angry with a poster. I had read his post as I had heard dogs barking more than I had heard them. I had woke up to them, and decided to check Facebook. I was already annoyed with them, and felt some reflection with the posts made by people/us, as so many seem to bark back and forth… I considered that maybe I just don’t understand them, and that’s how we are, sometimes– lacking understanding/comprehension. But already, I was forgiving the dogs, in a way, or bringing us to their level, in my eyes, trying to be more balanced, but a person had commented on a post I made, and I read it right in the time of the incessant barking, so I was already annoyed, and his post hit a kind of nerve. It was as if he was trying to box things in, and disqualify some of my processing. It was disrespectful. I deactivated my account.

The pharmacy is run by a person- Last name Barker. Her daughter was there tonight/last-night, and this is why things were being done differently. As I was there, she came out to the warehouse. I must admit that I find her presence stimulating. The first time I saw her, I had angrily (frustrated – “hot”) written in my text file on my phone as I waited that it would be nice if they could just communicate to us- The drivers, about when orders may be done, as usually the door is shut and we are just waiting – without information, sometimes for hours. That time she immediately came outside, and began smoking a cigarette near me, by the ramp, where I could ask her (and meet her).

On this female’s shirt tonight there was Tim Burton art- Jack, and perhaps his dog. When she showed up, she was trying to correct her mistake, or a mistake- Looking through totes to find the right number. It needed an order in it for Hydrocodone…Going to a place beginning with the name- Cumberland.

*There is a place called “Pumpkin Center” in Orange County, IN, outside of where (the town) I deliver the furthest away.
*Tyler- The person who hired me, for this job, just sent me a text asking me the code to open the door at the warehouse for the pharmacy. It relates to my birth, as the year. He has never asked.


Saturday, October 7th, 2017

I sounded this in my mind, but associated it “bill” and then + “ding”. I was about to reach a place for my work beginning with the word “Bell” where last night while I was there I noticed a number associated with/as their house-account- 661. I had just received my paycheck for 661.xx. The number stood out.