Archive for September, 2017

The name of one, who occupies my mind (often…)

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

the first person I “ran into”, having to adjust trajectory- We stumbled around each other, she had her name. She was an employee, at the check-out, at Kroger.

I saw a tattoo of an angel on a woman’s arm on the way out of the last place I went, also, and then parked next to me was a vehicle with a license plate number of 610 and letters VEX. A man was inside of it, and a woman was beside him in a pink sweater with angel wings on the back. This was the next angel-image after the other angel-image. The man with the woman with the tattoo gazed outside, into the light- It looked like. Inside as I saw my image on the screen, just prior to this, I related with someone not wanting their image shown- Muhammad (I simply found my image hideous). 610 I closely associate with him, as the year he began to receive his, or whatever occurred, claimed to be of an angel, message/revelation.

Inside, the first pink I took actual notice of was a woman wearing a sweater, that said something about “pink” and “power”. I had just picked up, just before seeing her, some organic bananas, which were marked with pink labels. There were so many organic ones left, and hardly no conventional. This- I found to be annoying, and reflected poorly on choices of people. Organic bananas are not that expensive, especially considering the crap that people actually spend their money on.

My thoughts before I found myself adjusting myself around the one with the name of one that has been on my mind, were about “chopping block”. Her name means “to cut”. I hope so much of this is cut-out, in the end.

I had, earlier, considered how Abraham was troubled/wrestling with “demons” (I’m not really sure what to call it). (I may test this idea). He had a voice tell him to sacrifice his son. Then, when he was about to do it, the voice said to stop. I would have said “fuck you” to the voice, to begin with, but, I am not in his shoes (or sandals), so many years ago, with his troubles, and his life- But I know what is right and what is wrong, and…”FUCK YOU” (this is my child). I brought this up because many try to discredit Muhammad based on his own psychic-troubles. I offer that we are all struggling in this life (and the is part of it- A big part of it), to navigate the path- The way. I don’t know. I don’t claim to hear God, but GOD is HERE, in, and as my heart- I know, and I trust nothing, and no-one. I can’t even confirm that anything else exists besides myself. So why, would I, trust…anything other? I test myself. I test spirits. I do respect what has been, seemingly, and what is relevant, and what has become…Perhaps like I respect the creature I hunt, or am hunted by. I try to learn. I try to acquire from, what I can use. Spear-it, chew all… taste. Hmm.

*After Taylor (“to cut”)- The first name I encountered, coming to a halt near, I read the name Tina, which is short for Christina (Christ said he comes not to bring peace, but a sword, but not to limit this word), and then on the way out, Drew. The Taylor who has been in my mind has a mother named Andrea (Drew is short for), and she recently, after I wrote about her with regard to marriage, attended her friend’s wedding, who was also with a form of this name as her last name. My sister, who lives right on Taylor Road, or just off, on Lakeside, in Columbus, IN, I get to her house by taking the Taylorsville/Edinburgh/Columbus exit. Her last name is now Andress. My ex’s ex before be was also named Drew. Jesus said he will come quickly. Taylor’s last name is Swift. As I was “obstructed” by Taylor, today, Taylor Swift added some media, after deleting all of her old, on her social media, on the day of the solar eclipse, and she is from Hendersonville, (“Hinder Sun”?)- Where an ex with my mother’s maiden name (Finch) was also from. This ex had a name that was by a gematria the “average” of four names that were names of my serious exes, and the first letters of which may spell MASK, and the second letters may sound out ALAA. 385- A number that I encountered or paid first-attention to uniquely through Taylor, through finding myself “arrested” in a position in front of her image on a card (not seeing her at first, then seeing her), then investigating, I first run across this number near my home very near a road called Henderson. The media that she added on the day of the eclipse was of the “tail” of a snake. The morning before the eclipse, I had been in Oxford, Ohio, where I was born, investigating, and had found her name in places. I had been stumbling on things, relating with her, in the weeks/months prior. I didn’t intend to, as I considered her too far, or perhaps myself not relevant to her– Not that I made judgments of/about her. I accepted her as a human being, who is talented. As I left Oxford this night, the last information I remember processing that was something of a spike in my attention was a license plate on a car that drove by- The last that I saw before leaving town, which read ZEYTIN. I took this as a humorous take on “Satan”- meaning “obstruction”. I don’t want to consider her an “obstruction”, as in bad. I don’t. I love her, but this is more of a love as in, I don’t want to hurt her, and don’t want others to hurt her (or her to be harmed). This is not really anything absolutely special- Not that she is not, but I can’t expect that I would be, or should occupy any special position, to her, or that I should (or want to be, really, currently, as I am, this messed up state that I’m in, and weak in respects) known.

We make sounds, and millions of or billions of languages and

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

many more words, with mouths that may make only a very limited amount of sounds. We come to meaning with combinations, syntax and things, of these.

We make symbols with simple forms. Our hands have 10 digits, and our bodies, are in ways very limited.

What qualifies one form of symbol to be related with/to, to find synchronicity with, and not another? What makes it so number and gematria cannot be related with, or correspondence found with?

This is the question I have for the man that came into my thread, acting like he knows- Or as if I was doing something wrong. His head would be on the chopping block. I didn’t ask for advice. I simply shared.

Last night, also

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

There was a light that came on at 23rd Street in Bedford, IN, on the road I took to go to Paoli, IN, for my route, and it came on on around my birthday. I had found some other things/relationships with this light, and associated it with light (not to say other things/places/numbers/etc. aren’t, or can’t be). The last time I went through it, the time was 1:06 A.M., and the range for my vehicle read 165. 165 may be a gematria of one of the females that I have found attraction to, and 66 (from 1:06) is another gematria (using a reduced form of the same method, which entails a simple correspondence of A=1, Z=26, but one lets Z be 26, and one further reduces 26 to 8, adding 2 to 6, and adding as 8).

I saw this person in a show, where she plays a kind of android, called a “host”.

The numbers here are simply fantasy– They aren’t “real”, as I may have come to associate them this way; They are her name if she had my last name. I may have found correspondences with my thoughts in the world as it unfolds, and although I can’t dismiss them, or these people, absolutely, I also can’t really give a lot to this, as in, any expectation. But in the moment, it’s something to attach to (I’m blind). I don’t mean to dismiss, but I can’t come with expectation, with this, to her.

Perhaps in a way, I do marry them. We make our experiences. This doesn’t mean I plan to tie them down (as if I can, in this way), but it’s a kind of ‘dance’, perhaps. Not that if the route wasn’t apparent, that I wouldn’t explore it. I don’t mean to disrespect, with any conclusions, or assumptions.

The last night of my route

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

My route, that I have done since about 2012 in some form or another, Friday was my last night, ending this morning.

At this location- Outside of Nashville, IN, I found a number (385) that I first found through attention to one, after I questioned what it meant to her that day – when my car lost power, and this is where it stopped, just after this address. The address is across the street here, on the left side, but I managed to stop at this location, where the picture is taken here- On the other side. I had also associated the number of the address that can be seen in this image to her (270), through erroneously calculating a gematria previously of her name + my name; The number I still (last) associated with her.

This was my last night, and as I was here- The last time I may be there, or that I will surely be, I saw that the number that is isolated in front of me – that changes – that I can’t help but to pay attention to (because it tells me how much distance until I need to refuel that I have), the number that showed up here (237) was one that I had also connected with my association of her, through her name, as this is a gematria of it, if she had my last name.

Bunny

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

Yesterday I wrote a post, and commented four times on it (so far). In one of them, I related the name Bonnie– I remembered that I had as a child thought it sounded like “Bunny”, and reminded me of it. The name seemed sexual. Bonnie- A nurse at a place called Bell _____ borrowed my pen, and I think she may have kept it, unless I did get it back, but I don’t know. She was on the phone as she signed for meds. My aunt Bonnie this day had also picked up her car from my dad, as he waxed it for her. Her license plate begins in RXJ. I thought about this, with “prescriptions”. The name seemed sexual, as a child, though I don’t remember associating it with Playboy– Maybe it was the fertility symbol of it, or the energy that somehow made it through. Her husband, my uncle (blood) was named Dick, which was a confusing name to hear growing up, sometimes. Not that I couldn’t differentiate.

Tonight was my last night on this route that I have been doing, for years. I am switching to a new route Monday- A new facility. At the first stop, I noticed tubing was exposed in the ceiling, as a tile had been removed. I thought about how I had hit the raccoon yesterday, which took off the tubing for the air-filter, and this occurred right around my first serious girlfriend’s, Katie’s old house (where, I also remember a hose springing a leak, with her, driving my dad’s Austin Healey). There was a new CNA in this building- Her name was Kati—something, and she had a nose-ring. I experimented in my mind… “knows, ring”- As in, when you “know”- When something is registered, it “rings” a bell. I also related with the shape of it, and the tubing, being circular. She was also cute, and had a pleasant smile, and energy. The nurse here, last name White- I think, was happy I brought meds for a patient with the name Gray- And another (I don’t remember). She said I deserved a pay-raise, in fun.

At the next stop- At Bell, I had picked up before in Bloomington- The same town as the facility, medications for a patient with a name of two people I wrote about just prior to work- Barton and Richardson– I had had a dream about a Bart, who has stolen from me in the dream, and I related him with a person named Richard. The birthday of the patient was 2/19- A date that I associate, or the numbers rather I associate with a verse in the Bible about Moses lifting the serpent up on the pole. Some numbers aligned around here, such as 230, 229, 228, 227, 226… And times. I don’t really feel like mentioning a lot, but the time I got there was, if written instead with a / instead of a : between the numbers, is, as a date, one I first connected with a person named Grey. Gray was the first name I read tonight, on orders…

At the last stop, the range-number in my car was 184. This is a gematria of my mother’s name, written, but I first found it through one that a voice said was my wife, adding my name to hers (in place of hers- Last name), and calculating a gematria. I had one tote going to this facility- To a unit called S.T.A.R.S.

Backing up, on the way, a voice said something about wanting my “paste” in ‘her’. The nurse here when I got there excitedly asked a question- “Where is Whiteland?!”, and I told her that it was just below Greenwood- By Indianapolis. She is interested in going to a wine-tasting at a winery there tomorrow. She then offered me a pastry, asking me if I wanted a “pastry” (I don’t hear this word often, but it came right after hearing it as a voice). It was very white/light.

As I left, the last nurse I would have contact with asked me if I saw the bunny. The nurse where I had been had found two baby rabbits in her yard. One had died, and she was bottle-feeding this one. She said she might have been keeping it warm between her breasts.

Book

Friday, September 29th, 2017

I thought of a person- Named Book earlier today. I hadn’t thought of him in some time/I haven’t heard from him in months. He called me as I was getting back to the pharmacy, just before my last turn, or perhaps as I made it, he ended his call (Crosspoint). I had heard something on the radio about the Dead Sea Scrolls- It was a show about it on NPR. I haven’t been listening to the radio much the past couple of days, as I’m trying to filter things. I turned this show on about as I was on my way back through Bloomington, from Paoli- Where I had first heard about it coming on. I turned the radio on just before I stopped to use the restroom- Where I often stop to go at a S.C.U.B.A. training place, and as I got back in the car from there, the people talking referenced water- Being drenched, in their underwear, and having been in the water or around it.

I deactivated my social media accounts today, for a number of reasons– Instagram I got tired of seeing images of females that turned me on (and it made it difficult for me to unfollow select ones), and Facebook – a man disrespected me by offering unsolicited advice. I had woken up to dogs barking like mad- Like I haven’t heard in recent memory, and as I opened up Facebook, I related these dogs barking with the “barking” of people lately on there, on certain issues, and also my own addiction or use of it to talk to communicate; I was mad that the dogs were chattering, and then felt a kind of reflection occur- Maybe I just don’t understand their language… This was when I opened my post after seeing the notification of comment, by this man. In ways, I considered the dogs barking a gift, considering how I felt about his “barking”, judging the way I process, assuming he understands, or is in a position to give advice to me on this.

The first place I went to on my route- Stop 1 of 3, this time being Nashville first, I noticed the first fruit that I noticed was a fig bar. I related this with the hidden/concealing (and deactivation of my accounts).

The man had challenged my use of numbers- Of gematria, in stories of ‘synchronicity’, and on the way to Nashville, numbers 347, in a position where I often reference with, seemingly, or pay attention to them there as they are isolated, aligned in timing/placement with a road/exit with a name of one I associate the number to, as it is the day of the year she was born on. The first time I saw a name of hers today, it was near I-74, as I crossed I-74 on the loop, I-465, it was coming the other direction, also crossing by. My aunt, who was born 7/4, was at the house today, picking up her car that my dad waxed, which has a license plate beginning with RX. The man- Who had angered me earlier, brought of the “process of individuation”. I kind of related this with, after coming offline- From social media, setting myself apart from it, and then this, as well. My aunt’s name is Bonnie, and at the second place I went to, called Bell, I had to wait an unusual amount of time for a nurse, named Bonnie, to sign in for the medications. She was on the phone. She also asked me if she could use my pen, and she kept it- I realized later. As I had pulled into there, there was a car in timing with my turn, oncoming, with a forward-facing plate reading KRIS 7. I related 7 as a T, or as what some may relate as a T, if they experiment with exchanging letters for numbers. The 7 was separate from the letters. At the third stop, Paoli, I had to ring the door-bell. I never have to do this (maybe one time that I may remember in the years I have done this route). It was locked, and I immediately related with how I had gone into a kind of lock-down/lock-out, of things, including music, and the social media.

I considered as I drove back from Paoli, about a place where I hit a raccoon, at 2:38 A.M. a night awhile back, where I was relating the number with a girl, named Genevieve- And how I later found this number to also be a gematria of (238) the name of the one mentioned earlier in this post (347th day of the year born, this number seen around the exit/road with her name- Taylor). The night I hit the raccoon there was something about “bandit” that came to mind, and I made a “visor” shape around my eyes, making a “slit” with my hands, as I drove, as I was again trying to filter, and only see what I needed to (task at hand). I was trying to filter information about her out- Not in offense to her, but I didn’t know what to do with it, especially where I was. Tonight, it didn’t happen with correlation with any numbers that I immediately recognized, or paid attention to, but a raccoon ran out into the road near my first serious ex-girlfriend’s home, as I drove home from work, and I hit it about there. I lost what seems to be the air-intake hose around there. She was the beginning of what I later associated with a word of “mask”- She was the first relationship of four serious ones- The ones I have had, and their initials I noticed after them spelled “mask”-backwards. I had just written the previous day about things (numbers…) being in “reverse”- some things, and on the way back through, earlier, I-74, where I saw Taylor’s last name -first (Swift) in the day, I noticed a Semi Truck was being towed, it being in reverse here facing me, and then just after, at 2:38 (corresponding with her written name’s gematria in some form, of 238) I passed Washington St.

Raccoon, mask- near the beginning, or at the beginning. I remember being there at her house, now, where I drove my dad’s Austin Healy and we drove around that day (the one time we did in this car), and a radiator hose sprung a leak there. This was the only time I remember such an occurrence.

I had driven by a place, 385W- 385 are numbers in this combination I first associated with her, as I saw it on a card by her, and tonight just before I hit the raccoon, here the time was 3:47. 347 may also correlate with other numbers, and things, related to the past (as she has/does), such as 227 (through time, 3:47 is 227 minutes), the gematria of the first names as I spoke them, but written, of these first relationships, and my mother’s birthday is 2/27, and first home was at an address of Vine St, 908 (2x2x227). 22/7 is an approximation of Pi…

The day also began with a number, 75, which can be a gematria of her name, where 347 aligned with her name.

I understand this may be hard to read. I may reformat. I may not. This is mostly for me, although I am trying to make it understandable.

*I forgot, also, that the entrance ramp to 465 was blocked this day, where I get back on after picking up for work.