high-low, icy hot

I was “riding high”. Multiple days, I was finding “connections” in people, and things. Honestly, I hadn’t hit a low like I hit after, for some time. At that point I cursed my very existence- in some way. I didn’t want to exist, and I told God I hated it/him/her for whatever it had done- for whatever it had put in my path to knock me down. This was a certain air-freshener, at a facility that I deliver to. Most air fresheners I am sensitive to, but I don’t feel “sick” on the level that this one effects me on. This one-I think, has nerve deadening agents in it. I feel like my mucous membranes are coated/blocked. There is a strange sensation from it, and a burning, and then I feel like my head is in various little vice grips, within and around it. Vice grip maybe not, but there is pain. Clusters of pain. Points. The pain extended into the next day, and I can still feel the effects of it today, to some degree. I know I’ve been assaulted. That facility has been told before not to use this product, but for some reason, they did again. I’m thinking that a maintenance man didn’t get the message, and was just going through a monthly round of sorts. Whatever the chemicals are in it, aren’t good for anyone. I’m highly sensitive to them, but who- really, needs, these things? I’d rather smell all the putrid smells a body can make than suffer from these things.

Right, so I was really angry, at nobody else other than God. I didn’t give the humans enough credit to have control. It isn’t that I consider humans so awesome or anything…But I don’t think they really have much “free will”, if any. I am not sure about that. I considered that especially in this timing, when I read a name that looked like “Golem Fall” matching a number (111, his room number, at Bell) that had come in alignment with a time of 1:11 a night before as the range my vehicle had left in the tank, and mileage of 361,361, and then that night when I saw Golem Fall and 111 range a song that was a song I recognize from Terminator 2- The Terminator being a “Golem”, and the range was 111- as I said, and odometer now 361,631 (rearrangement)- after that song, the songs changed, and I didn’t really care to hear them, and my mood fell, and then the next night, well, I fell. That’s when I ran into the fragrance. I recognized it immediately and held my breath, but it was too late. The reaction had already started.

That night that the fragrance attacked my senses sinses sin sez ummmmmmmmm, my first delivery was out of the ordinary, as at first I had only had to take Brown County’s facility, because the other two of mine didn’t go. This is out of the ordinary as well, and the night before, with Golem Fall 111, I had taken only the other two (and the night after only Brown, I again took the other two only– So it was a reversal both times). But I decided to take one for a co-worker, since I only had Brown the one night. This run went to a new facility in Morristown. The nurse there said aloud “11:15″, as the time, and I had just been focused on a girl with a birthday of 11/15, so this clicked with something. As I had parked there, as well, I parked in a certain timing with a song’s ending, but that is not exactly completely rare (it’s nice when it happens, to see it, to be in sync’).

I don’t know what time I got to Brown County that night. Or the range, or anything. I was avoiding Halloween music much of the way, taking a new road. I don’t really care for it. I don’t really care for Halloween anymore. I don’t dress up, but that’s not the issue. I just don’t care for the goofy music. Sorry. I like genuine music that touches all bases, or can be heard any time…Not just “fun” music about monsters and zombies and whatnot.

But then there was that thing I am pretty much most afraid of, much of the time. And one of the worst.

That night, I began watching a show, as I was done with the “higher-level functioning”/fantastic connections. The show was Glitch. It’s about people coming back to life, crawling from their graves–but they aren’t zombies. I noticed the number 911 in it, as the first plate number shown. Each plate had three letters (which I haven’t paid a lot of attention to). But this cop parked at the graveyard, with this plate. Then, a person named Eilisha parked, soon after- She was a doctor. Already, I had “made a connection”- although, I still only call this coincidental. Eilisha sounds like Alisha- and it is a form/variant of the name, I am thinking (I might be wrong). “My” Alisha, I had connected with 9/11. I have connected her with it, and her name-sum itself, her maiden name can sum to 156, which can be 911 if seen as the number of a prime-(how to say…) the 156th Prime number is 911.

The cop wasn’t in a relationship with Eilisha, but the coming so closely stood out. And the close relationship of the two. Her plate was 415.

The cop’s deceased wife crawled out of the ground, and Eilisha found her. Her name was Kate. Now he had a wife named Sara. These three names, Katie was my first girlfriend (as a semi-adult, taking seriously things more), Sara was my second, and Alisha was my third.

Again, I only consider it coincidence. I haven’t made any direct connections. And the timing, I wasn’t in a “connecting” mood (I wanted to die).

That next morning, violence broke out at a protest that the girl is involved with/making awareness for the cause, and 11:15 was mentioned in the news article that I saw. 11:15, like her birthday- the one girl. I had been finding “Syncs” with her. The chemical assault was resonant in theme/principle with people being sprayed with chemicals, and the potential threat that the oil-pipeline brings to the area–why they are protesting. This is coincidence. I am not sure what else. Certainly, I identify. And I agree that we need to stop with the madness of … dependence on oil. Especially when we’re having to fucking frack and shit to get it.

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