Feelings

are why I’m this way right now. I use a lot of energy blocking certain things. It’s true that I don’t feel the connection that I used to, to people. It might be because I block things, but I know some of it, at least, is that certain things have been shed.

but I know I misinterpret things, probably due to lack of energy. Love is hard to define. You can love someone, and know that they, at least currently, are not right for them/you are not right to be with them. In confusion of interpreting this, with low energy (or whatever pain/etc might cause), I might somehow process in undesirable ways… But in the end I do choose love. But that doesn’t mean that I am .. a part of anything. I may be, but it’s complicated.

Anyway, I had someone on my mind. I wrote about love, and how I didn’t feel it. And how I didn’t know people. I felt no connection. When I wrote about love, she is now gone from view. I just find that interesting. If she asked for it, she would have it. She doesn’t have to ask, but I’d feel more comfortable giving it if she asked. But that doesn’t mean that I want a romantic relationship with her. I don’t even really know her, and I can’t say I’m not troubled by certain things with her (but more with me). But the kind of love isn’t, necessarily, special. It’s just love. If Josie, at Whole Foods, asked me to love her, I would find it easy to, and with her, the same ways– It doesn’t mean I need romantic involvement. This doesn’t mean I’m perfect, or don’t feel jealous, or envious. I just know what’s right, and what is wrong.

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