On black holes

i fantasized about girls.
i couldn’t decide which one was “right”.
i had a vision of light filling space, like a singularity – umm, a big bang. Light.
when i was about to write about this, in a post, on Facebook, a person in a group I’m in called cosmology, posted a picture of Interstellar, where his daughter asks him to “stay”. this resonated with feelings of not knowing which girl to stay with. i won’t say what i was doing, but it should be inferred. strange association, but it resonates, in that i’ve seen exes/potential mates as mothers, sisters, daughters.

moving on.

the “sound” of the collision of black holes- the gravitational wave, is said to be like a “chirp”. last night i saw this picture on a girl’s Facebook, who I had thought of, because of a dream that I had, where I was in a circle and one of the houses- i thought was her parents home. it had the number 1589, top-down, with light shining on it. the house was orange-red brick. the circle was tight. earlier in the dream I rescued a cat that fell from trying to walk on a wire/power-lines, or telephone line. i’m not sure what. i thought it was power-lines. it hurt it’s hip. at first it seemed like it would be a lost cause to help it, but i took the burden on myself, and was willing to spend what it seemed would be needed, which was in the 300s- probably low realistically. i think that there was a charity that helped to reduce out of pocket cost. the cat was orange, with white, and i remember it was rather large for a domestic cat.

it seemed happy, too.

the day before i had the dream, i posted an image on Facebook of a circle of rocks that she had posted, with her feet- but the image i had posted only had the circle- i took a screenshot. i forgot it of hers, and struggled to remember when and where i had done it. I took it down a moment or so after.

when i woke up from the dream, as i had seen the numbers 1589 in the circle, associated with her, i looked out the window as i heard, and then saw a truck going around the “circle” outside. i read it’s numbers as an Ohio plate, 9091, and letters that I couldn’t make out. 991 is my plate number. 991BCR.

i viewed her later- her facebook. This is Paula. Webster. we had an interesting few days together, back in 2004. it was my first time intentionally, umm, ejaculating inside of someone. well that’s not entirely correct. the first one was from West Virginia, and I can’t remember her name, but that was also the first time I had sex, and it wasn’t with the intent- i still wonder (what her name was, and other things, perhaps if I have a child- although that’s unlikely).

on 2/5- a date that i found significant, have found significant, she changed her images to

coming from dreaming of “her”, and circles, and the orange cat, on the powerlines, seeing this image, and then today reading about the gravitational waves having a “chirp” sound, this resonates.

when i wrote about the dream last night, or this morning, i was at a nursing home- outside of it, and when i went in, a CNA- named Dreama, I saw was complaining of food poisoning sensations. after i left the facility, before i left town, i went to get her some activated charcoal. as i drove there, to Kroger, and about to turn in, Wallflowers- Hero, began to play. I had told Dreama that “I’m not a doctor or anything” fast, as I felt that I was acting like I knew what was wrong with her, and I might not, but she said that she got sick after she ate at a sports bar in New Palestine, before she came, so I figured that that was the most likely explanation, as did she. Inside at the checkout I heard a guy say “I know a doctor”, as I passed by him, and outside in my car, Foo Fighters was playing – the song Hero. It came to an end, and Green Day, “Burn Out” began to play. As I pulled up to deliver, Sublime – All Mixed Up, played.

but there was that.

I was sick the last time I was with Paula- before she left for Florida. I had driven my freshly painted (Hunter/Forest Green from Red- I was trying to dissociate myself from that color of red, as it reminded me of an ex- Alisha, every time I saw it, anywhere, mainly on cars) car to see her, before she left. I didn’t connect the fumes to the later illness, but I now know that I’m sensitive to stuff like that. We watched Dreamers. I remember how the protagonist showed them how things are the same shape, such as a lighter, and a part of the nose. I remember waking up, and she was taking care of me, because I was sick. My skin was balmy. She was on the phone with a mutual friend. It wasn’t as if I was needing taken care of, but I remember she definitely wasn’t unsympathetic, although I felt embarrassed for being sick, and gross.

She was going to throw some things away. They were in a red crate. I told her I would just send them to her. I insisted, so that I could send other things. I took like a month or two to do it, as I procrastinate. I sent her a book on Synchronicity, and a print of the Visions series by Alex Grey, that my mom gave to me for Christmas in 2003. That makes me think. I think that I’ve said it was 2004, before, that she gave me the prints. It was 2003. They were marked as 26/100, and at the time, 26 meant nothing to me. I wanted 23. Ha-ha. Not that I was that closed, and fought that childish “darn-it”. 26 came to be associated with more to me. I grew… Like her name is Webster, I’ve found a “web” of associations. Some definitely involve this alphabet. Web of language. The print was ‘Vision Tree’.

Back to work, I had mentioned in a post that I “eat” what is “sweetest”. I didn’t mean necessarily I’m a sugar-fiend (although I tend to be, once I start). But I knew what that meant. I try to do right, but sometimes, I use things. Reflecting this, John- a coworker called me right around when I was in Orleans, IN. He told me that a guy who is a pharmacist at the pharmacy that we deliver for died of carbon monoxide poisoning, from a furnace. I connected/resonated with this, with that I had just specifically sent a message to one of my co-workers to tell his employees to not leave their vehicle running when up on the ramp at the dock- it spews exhaust into the warehouse and pharmacy. It was there with a thickness, and I had to leave the bay door and another door open, or I did, to let it air out. That morning, the morning of the dream, and before I found out about the guy dying of carbon monoxide poisoning, I went to a collision center where my car was worked on, to find out why my car was smelling like gas on the inside when the defroster was running. It was a tube that didn’t get reconnected- an emissions line that re-fed a fuel-air mix back into the engine, or something. On the way there, I followed an orange and white bus with an orange wolf on the back, and at that point where I split with it, a song with lyrics “I’m-a feed the bad wolf so the bad wolf don’t bite no more” (Hollow Moon). Then I saw a number, 219, in timing, and 219 I associate with Numbers 21:9, when Moses constructs the bronze serpent that stops the other serpents (God’s) from biting, and killing the people.

More may go with that. I dreamed later the dream I associated with Paula.

Paoli has just started to use an air-”freshener”, in the unit, called S.T.A.R.S. It’s toxic, and makes me have a reaction- my face burns. I can handle fuel smell easier- much easier. It doesn’t even bother me. Then again nobody is making fuel into an aerosol and spraying it every 12 seconds in an automatic dispenser just because someones urine smells– To me it makes absolutely no sense. It really doesn’t make sense. Using toxins around patients who already have labored systems. Anyone, let alone patients. People are so ignorant.

I was anxious about this as I was talking to John. I was getting gas when talking to John.

When I got back into town, the last plate on a road that I read was GLG5892, also an OHIO plate. O-HI-O. Hmm. I dreamed of 1589, connected with her, after posting an image she made of circles, and in my dream, a cat on powerlines that fell, and then saw her images of power-lines, and birds, black-holes “chirp”.

The 5, 8, and 9, again, I have connected with certainly.

I took a nap today, after writing my last post. A person who frequently posts things, in sync, posted this image, as I napped. When I woke up, I heard “messing with you”, and clicked the notification, and then looked at it, still lying in bed. The caption reads, with the post: “Real or Fake?”

I have had other interesting alignments with the film, Interstellar, such as in the last post here, with my mention of the timing in the film when Cooper says “we send ourselves”, being a number that I associate with my name (229, 2:29:00 he has said this/just realized this), and a day when I associated a number with a tesseract, and found myself seemingly in this “hypercube”- or something like it, seeing a car that looked like my brothers, him calling me then, and sending me a text asking me about the tires on my car- if I liked them. He said, once I got home, associating the “tesseract” with the number I had come to, 743, my brother sent me a text saying that “I heard Cooper tires are good”. Cooper resonates with an enclosure.

Another time, a person contacted me through email, Aria Bland. I associated the name with Brand- like in Interstellar. Aria has some daughters, and there were connections to where they were- I need to go back and check. But it was resonant. Her daughters- the older ones are dancers. I had just asked someone to just knock on my door, because I felt watched. I heard a knock on the wall, slightly, and then got an email. It was later that night/that next evening when I began associating. Brand, Bland. I saw r and l as mirrors, like falling through the black hole. Love. Land. B-Land. Sweetness. He ran, he landed.
Her other daughter was young, and with red hair, like Murphy- Cooper’s daughter. I had also been investigating RoboCop (Alex J. Murphy), as his femur is where his gun is stored, and he targets the pen in his diagnostic/testing chair, in the beginning. Femur, Murphy.

At some point, perhaps arriving home, had seen a Youtube video. There was a Hulu preview, for the film, that was Interstellar, which I don’t think I had seen as a preview, but it was fitting.

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