Archive for January 7th, 2016

Spin-all Surge-on

Thursday, January 7th, 2016



Thursday, January 7th, 2016

“The names of the fifty U.S. states contain 229 letters that are always consonants in English.”


may follow this rabbit hole later. my name sum can be 229. i wonder what the sum of these consonants are (or, of the 50 states), or of the full, or the consonants in my name.

229 is the 50th prime, and the smallest prime number that can be added to it’s reversal (922) and sum to another prime (1151). 9/22 is the date that the plane crashed on the “Island”, on Lost. 2/29 is the leap day in leap years.

am i a course correction?

but again, what do i think i know?
what do i assume?

the only thing i know to be true is love, because that is within me.

not that i’m not a terminator from the year 2029, needing John Connor (or er er or) to change my programming. ha-ha. my home town was founded by a fur-trader named John Conner (he had a skin-job). 229- road below Connersville, by Metamora, ending at Napoleon.

there are many demons in my reality. sometimes it’s as if the entire world is made of “them” (nothing personal – not that angels aren’t around, too, as ‘demons’ are angels).

again, the only thing i know to be “true” is love, because that’s with in me, and what i come to.

229, pepper

Thursday, January 7th, 2016



i dreamt about trying to make something line up, and woke up to voices screaming at me

Thursday, January 7th, 2016

they don’t scare me. it’s not like that. it’s more like they are family members who care way too much about me.

not to say they might not be angry with me

maybe it was that i set my alarm to go off at 9:11.

all day-afternoon, men outside were tearing off siding to my apartment. there was no way i could have slept. it sounded like they were going to break down the walls. dust was entering my apartment from the windows. and i lost all faith, in all of the exotic orders that i thought i discovered. again, with that line, from 229. i woke up at 6:29. i tried to sleep again, but gave up. an hour.

if the road had pointed generally somewhere else, i wouldn’t have bothered, to be bothered. i might have tested to see where it went, but i wouldn’t have had expectations. it seemed to go to where i first crashed, chasing sara, after we got into an argument, and she sped off (i didn’t want her to crash, exactly where i did, basically).

i could shoe-horn some meaning to it, and nature did seem to reflect, in a kind of tesseract (?), what i had written, and thought… but ultimately, i’m at a loss, when it comes to any attempt at explanation. maybe it’s pointing at where i should have slowed down. paid attention to speed. maybe that it’s off makes sense, as i was off. i’m always trying to make sense of things. before, “229″- the road being just below my home town, or south of it, was something. now, the fact that expectation, how it teased an order, of accidents, coincidence, … now i have issues with everything.

but then what am i assuming now?
that i know shit?


what is default?

now i’ll try to retrace steps again, and pick up pieces that seem to fit. sometime. it will happen. i can’t help it.

sometimes i’m completely convinced i’m a schizophrenic, and just desperate. but then some orders are way too close. some timing. reflection. like i’m a black hole, or in a black hole. singularity. trying to make sense. what do i assume? i assume a story (is true). i assume a history. i assume a people, other than me. the one truth that i confirm, every time, is that love is what we need. what i need. what i want to give (but am not, by default, awesome at it). again, i assume others exist, to love.

but if this is my reflection, i need to love myself. forgive myself. be open to myself.