Archive for January, 2016

draft (too much sugar on my brain right now)

Friday, January 29th, 2016

Voice said “fuses”- what I think I hear.
Follow into a parking lot 766RAN, and one car parked to the side of the row we go in has their lights on, then puts it in reverse as I am by- 761RAN.
I ran from something (someone)- Beautiful. An art teacher. And heard something on the radio about a fallen angel named Lucifer.

Ran-follow. Fallow. F-Allow. Fall ow. Ouch.

I was going to buy hemp (cannabis sativa) seed oil.

As I leave, I see a car pull in. I pay attention, and read numbers 3589. I recognize this. 589 together, and 3, as something, sometimes I think in reference to the three. 589- numbers can be found in the movie, The Walk, also. They are the numbers that aren’t found in a pattern that I discovered (for myself- not that it wasn’t already discovered), back around February of last year, and have found reflected in my life other places. I went back to check the letters on this car. BY. On the way, in alignment, 173BEE. Also before I left the first time 733LVT came by. This also holds some resonance in my mind… I sounded LVT as “live it”. Bee, my identity? We struggle. We crave identity, and to identify- to find. This can be dangerous. I had thought to “just be”.

Next place, buy dates- take a chance with a new brand. These are “Halawi” dates, which in Arabic, is said to mean “sweet”.

Next place, I park next to a vehicle that just parked before me- a Tesla. Orange bag- a man gets out of the trunk. I consider how I am wasteful, and keep forgetting my reusable stuff. Inside, I buy water, toilet paper, and paper-towels. The water I buy is Acqua Panna, in a glass bottle, and metal cap. It’s the only bottled water that I tolerate- that I’ve found, without reactions (and prefer not to drink tap water, even filtered, as it still contains fluoride except with very expensive filtration, and I don’t want to drink neurotoxic stuff, if I can have a choice not to). I buy all of it. I consider to leave some for another person, but decide to be selfish. I doubt they are as sensitive, as me (all bottled water, pretty much, is contaminated). Charge here $20.03.

The day started with a flat tire. I was going to an interview, for a second job. A man from Hannah’s towing came to tow the car- as the car that I was using didn’t have a four way iron to gain the proper leverage to get the bolts off– they were put on with an air-wrench thing. The man’s name was Brian. He didn’t charge me for anything, which was a good break. Drove to the tire shop, 113 were the first numbers I read, pulling in- first car in first space. I parked next to it. 113 is a number that has, although I haven’t personally confirmed, been associated with sacrifice ( and my life, certainly- at least I’ve come to the number at a certain time associated with someone with the last name- Price). At the tire shop I decided to walk to the Mexican Grocery the next lot over. I opened the door for an approaching person, and went inside. Took one round through, walked back out, and held the door open for another person, walking out with a cart. A red-colored Fusion was parked there at he entrance with numbers 689 on it’s plate, or 986- something two WWs and another letter- that I can’t remember. These numbers I relate with 23, as they sum to it, but are unique among numerals also- in that they always connect back to themselves (and are circular). Walking back to the tire store for a moment, I walk by an old work-place, of Dominos, where I worked with a lot of Russians, and former soviet-state peoples. I see a guy getting into a car as I walk by this time- the numbers are 156. USZ- numbers, possibly. S and Z for sure, somewhere.156, as I found recently, as the 156th prime number, is 911. 113 I associated with one who I met just before going to work at this place, whose name I only found- again, as a connection, to this point (she as second out of family, ’113′ as first) with a woman who worked there-the only woman driver at the time, and only woman of certain age, and who had my mother’s middle name (a first to find), and my sister’s birth-day. The only other female was Raven, who was young, and an in-shop worker. An English-major-ing girl would come back at some point. I first used her lock-box to keep my money in for the shift. Her name was Xiamarra. XiXi (pronounced Key Key/Key-Ah-Mar-Ah). I eventually moved into the center lock-box, and Dustin (Dye) jokingly put the number 23 as my name on there. Donna’s (who shared name with Donna-113) lock box was over top of mine, and her lock was big. I couldn’t close my box without moving it. I found it symbolic, somewhat, as I couldn’t get the other Donna out of my mind, who also has/had resonance with my mother, via number, and sister, as I’ve found- more, recently.

Then I decided to go to the liquor store, to keep warm. The tire shop had scents. I wanted to minimize my time there, which is why I was walking to these other places. When I left the liquor store, I saw a car backing out of a space with numbers 327, which I recently found associated the the first person in space- Yuri Gagarin, who died on 3/27. From Russia. He died in a crash. Only today I realized how many disasters relating to the U.S. space program happened around this time, in this time that I met Donna- who was born on a day of a solar eclipse, and this year at the day I met her, 7 years after, the moon was full, and before I met her, 7 years about, her father- who was a pilot, and engineer, died. I had compared, unconsciously, my navigating the path around then, as like being like a pilot, or astronaut, and missing the mark, and crashing, or something. But that it was meant to happen. Today was an anniversary of the Challenger disaster. Yesterday was the date-anniversary of the Apollo 1 disaster. February 1st is Columbia. This is pretty much the period of time I messed up- with her. Challenger happened because of an O-ring. When she was born, the eclipse was an annular (ring) type that day. Tire. Pi, as written about in my previous post- last night (this morning) as the birth-day of a patient as 3/14, and 3:14 the time out of my last route-delivery.

Flying J- Shower

Thursday, January 28th, 2016

Flying J- Shower.

No shower since early Monday morning at about 2 A.M.

Earlier Wednesday (yesterday-”today” for me) read about the first man in space, a Russian named Yuri Gagarin, as it was the anniversary of the Apollo 1 launch and accident, and I wanted to read more into the history of manned space-flight. On the route that I do I pass through/by the birth-city of one of the astronauts who died in the Apollo 1 accident- Gus Grissom. Mitchell, IN.

But I read about Yuri, and became engaged. I resonated with that he died in an accident on 3/27, and that I live in 327, and my lease is going to be up on 3/27, and how I climb in and out of my window (ha), like this is a capsule. I can’t use my door because I seal it off to not breath the atmosphere in the common hall, which is toxic. I also resonated with that “Rushville” is on the side of my home-town that I lived on.

In Flying J an American female asked another- Russian I think, if she was going to go see her Babushka, and if they were flying. This is the first that I’ve heard Russian in awhile.

I got out of the shower, and when I looked at my phone it was 6:00.
In my car, it was 6:11, which is my birth-date. The first word on the radio was “shower”- a weather report. U2 began to play, “see the stone set in your eye”.

When I entered the interstate, I settled in behind a Citizens Energy vehicle with “Suez” written on it. Like Suez Canal.

At some point, a song that was playing said something of “dreams”, and I saw 611 again.

At my last stop on my route, earlier, I got in the car and the time in it was 3:14. I dismissed it. Then I got a message from John a few minutes after, asking me if I would pick up an extra order on my way back. It would require me to wait, but there’s really nobody else to do it, and I can use the money. This patient was born 3/14.

I’m wearing different clothes

Wednesday, January 27th, 2016

I went to Whole Foods, and I saw Jozie at a register when I walked in. When I made it to the check-outs, the register that I thought she was at had glass broken, fluid around, and balding-yet hairy guy was picking it up.

I see her at the register I go to then, in the other lane-her back to me, and see she has a cart. I see milk, and bananas. That’s what I can recall. Fluid.

She didn’t see me today. Usually she seems to spot me from far away. I had a different jacket on, and a different hat. She took items she had gotten, pushing them in a cart toward the information register and desk, to check out, while I checked out. Devin processed my order. Before, she said “Looking for Alaska”, telling the people before me a book she was reading, I think.

As I walked out the door, I made myself open to say hi to Jozie, if she saw me. I don’t like to disturb people though just to say hi (but I kind of like when people disturb me to say hi). I’m shy like that. As I walked by her she started to turn, but didn’t really recognize me and turned back away, putting eggs in a bag.

Maybe it was this black jacket, that doesn’t fit right. She seemed to look at it, and didn’t look at my face.

Outside, a woman pulled away as I walked out. I read 139 on her plate. This is a number that I’ve come to recently, in a number of places, in the movie The Walk, my weight after writing about it, after reading the commandment of God- as “Love”, and as a code to enter a facility in Anderson on a route that I did, where the other two facilities are both 234.

Plastic blows to me, a container. It startles me somewhat. A man walks my direction. He wears headphones, and when he walks by, I hear “make a scene” (don’t?).


Monday, January 11th, 2016

Letters in names- of ex girlfriends, by methods of gematria common to this alphabet, sum


Marilyn Marie Duellman 220 and/or 94

Alisha Brooke Finch 156 and/or 84

Sara Nicole Sterling 201 and/or 84

Kathryn Brooke Calhoon 231 and/or 96


The four summed could come to 808, and/or 358.


Although systems of gematria differ,


The number 358

may also be a sum equal to “messiah“,

or a meaning of “serpent” (as Nachash).


The number 808

may also be related (Brazen Serpent/Nechushtan, The Faith, …).


These are among other possible meanings, or ways of looking at things/interpreting (if one chooses).

-358 divided by 4 is 89.5. These numbers (895) I recently found to be “not included” in a pattern of numbers that I found, first by observing that in the space between a 2 and a 3 in this format, a 4-form could fit. In this format, all numbers can be made with a common-simple form. I saw it first while driving my dad’s car, the first night perhaps that it was loaned to me, when he was repairing mine as a Christmas gift, i think. It was 23 degrees at my furthest stop away, and I just had made friends on Facebook with a guy named David that I used to be in a group with 7 years before- about the number 23, so I shared it with him- tagging him in an original image with it. This one is cropped, flipped– A screenshot of that one.

Then I added to it, as systematically as I could. It was because someone challenged me. The next two numbers (already together) that could fit another number would be 6 and 7, and they would fit a 1 on it’s side, like 2 and 3, a 4. In total, these numbers also sum to 23 (2+4+3+6+1+7).

Then recently I decided to draw lines from the center of the 6 (an enclosure) to the points of the numbers. There are 22 lines. If the numbers here sum to 23, and lines 22, if counted together, these can be 45- which is the sum of numerals 1 through 9. 22 is also the number of letters in the Hebrew aleph-bet. And human DNA has 22 autosome pairs, with 1 sex chromosome pair – XX or XY. This image then turned seems to show a form that I have seen to look a bit like an ‘angel’ (or valkyrie).

I plan to make it better — This is a photograph of something on paper, hence the warped top. But, I also accepted it, or try to, for that reason. My nose is crooked. Life is round (trying to make this fit …).

After I made this image, I began seeing the numbers 589 around, in ways, also. Only recently-yesterday, did I connect the number to my exes, as I see other patterns with them (MASK).


-808 divided by 4 is 202- Which I first associate as the current height in courses of the Great Pyramid of Cairo, which I’ve attempted to use as a kind of guidestone. Perhaps it’s my ego. Or just that it’s huge, and old, and mysterious. That, and for my fascination/curiousity with the number, 23 – That I’ve been present/presented with certainly, and the fact that the great pyramid, minus a capstone- of which there’s no recorded knowledge about, was 203 courses (steps) high. I’ve postulated that it is simply “0″. And, that the 0 in 203 is also something. Perhaps it (and others) was a message (also) intended to be read at a future point, and the people constructing it didn’t quite know. A system of ’23′ can be found in this pyramid, also. . .

202 might also relate with 22.


Stepping back, informally-







-Kathryn is called Katie.


In this form, sums may come to

92 and/or 38 for Marilyn

50 and/or 23 for Alisha

39 and/or 12 for Sara

46 and/or 19 for Katie

summing to

227, and (or or, ha) 92

Earlier, I wrote them in this form, and I was watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, at t his time. I’d never just watched the show- I always just saw it on, but had another target. But I felt I needed a laugh earlier, so I chose what Netflix recommended at the top. Anyways, at the time that I wrote it, Charlie had answered the door to his apartment, and the camera had 227 in frame- pointing across the hall.

-2/27 is my mother’s birthday, as February 27th. as i found it related to my mom, i also found that the average, by an even number (from 92), of 23, is held only by Alisha- who had her maiden name- Finch. Nachash, as the full sums found relation tohas been called-by a person named Suares, “The Old Man of the Mothers”.

-22/7 is an approximation of Pi.


Also (stepping back a bit) while watching It’s Always Sunny I found a funny video in a search of the “meaning of 808″. In it, there is a part where the presenter lands on the name Reynolds, which at the time, didn’t hit– Not until a couple of episodes later when two of the characters’s father first showed up, and I realized that 2 of the 4 original/3 of the 5 main characters of the show have this last name.


As for 92, I may relate this with 92-the naturally occurring elements.

9/2 is the date that the last relationship ended (2006).


*I feel I must add that ‘MASK’ is backwards. I was with Katie first.

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

i found another mailbox

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

this one is the only one with red on 96th street in this significant amount other than the one at 2029 that i’ve found so far. this one has a fire-hydrant stem. it’s by geist reservoir. address number 9621.

across the street, to the east a bit – these anchors appear to intersect. i didn’t find another like it on 96th- yet.

geist means “ghost”.


pike lake, not winona

Saturday, January 9th, 2016

i’m pretty sure. (i was wrong)

red mailbox

Friday, January 8th, 2016

i’ve seen this one a few times, up on 96th street. the reason that i moved to Indianapolis was to go to ITT Tech, which is on this street. this is the only red mailbox, at least in this section of the road- between township line road, and ditch road.

in a math class, i told the teacher i don’t want to write anymore, toward the end of the year. i felt like i was hurting someone by writing anything. it was a bit of a psychosis, perhaps. writing felt psychotic, and violent. i quit school.

three years later i met Donna, at a Kroger, where a black man had told me that my tire was low, and asked if anyone ever told me that i looked like Peyton Manning. i hadn’t yet met her, as she had gone inside to get something, and i was to meet her there. we went back to her place, after, which was 2029 Ruckle Street (and a half). her name sum can come to 96.

she has red-orange, or strawberry blond hair. what may be called red.

her name is the first that i found that can have a sum equal to my mother’s, and our first time out-together we went to a bookstore, where i picked up a book called Letter Perfect and began reading about the letter- e, when she came and put her hand on my shoulder (after snapping at me, because i tried to nudge her in the direction i thought she wanted to go anyways-but she wanted to check on the computer to see if they had it-the book she wanted to get). this is the first letter that i remember writing.

she bought a book called transmission.

my name sum can be 229.


Friday, January 8th, 2016

today, i didn’t listen to music. i feel better. i was tempted many times. this isn’t at all to say that music is bad, or anything. without music, i wouldn’t know a lot of what i seem know. or have the experience that i have seemed to have had. …

i appreciate music.

but it’s all an attempt to write oneself, a lot of times. also an expression. so many things can be seen as this, too. too much sex is also not good. this shows an imbalance. too much eating is also not good. also, imbalance. too long of a shower, you probably “need it” (but you really don’t, you need something else). there are so many things we do – that we over-do. but this is not to say that over-doing things isn’t also for some purpose. we are a weird, wyrd thing, us. without the extremes, we couldn’t find a greater balance, in the extremes. to know the height, or deepness, weight, etc., that’s how we know how to move. like the saying about a bird falling, knowing gravity, before it can fly.

i don’t know.

i heard music when i went to see star wars.

then i heard it at the gas station.

before i went there, to the gas station, John Dawson- who is my dispatcher, and coworker, called me and asked me if i would do an after hours run on my way back. he wanted to see when i would be back. i told him about two hours. the name of the patient was Willie Cook. i saw some other names that sparked curiosity, but wanted to refresh myself on what his name meant – Dawson. it means “Son of David”. i forgot what David meant, but i associated it with Israel.

i opened my door there, at the gas station, and the first thing i heard was “light” from the speaker.

at some point while filling up a guy on a bike came rolling in very fast, with a bandana covering his face, and glasses over his eyes. he stopped apruptedly eith a squeeling of tires, on the other side of the pump. there was prominent orange coloring on his jacket, and the colors of his Harley were the signature colors of black and orange, like his jacket. another guy rolled up not too long after this, more slowly. at this time, i was getting in my car, and nodded to him when i sat, and he rolled by, as we made eye contact. he nodded as well. he also wore a black jacket, with a bigger orange stripe across his back. i had heard voices saying things about the orange current.

in reflection, or resonance with the Harleys, and guys outfits that rode them, before going to work, getting dressed i considered wearing a shirt that i wore for my previous job- at Velox (meaning “swift”, or “rapid”). it is black with orange and white lettering – this way because the boss-there really likes Harley Davidson.

also in reflection, i had thought about my previous entry, here, where i mentioned about the guy from Sons of Anarchy having his thumbs taken, in reflection with seeing last the word “Technology” before turning away (as i made the choice before, but eyes captured just as i turned away) in the credits of Star Wars, and said to myself “I accept that”, and remembered this guy- missing his thumbs says “I can accept that”.

down at my furthest stop, tonight, i delivered a pump. that was it. before leaving i saw on a magazine at the counter by the exit button a magazine called “Explore the Bible”. my name was written at the top of it.

picking up the delivery, at a 523 address in Mooresville, i noticed the pharamcist’s name was Ray. i reflected back on how ‘Rey’ was the star in Star Wars (along with Finn, or FN). at delivery, Reeves road, Plainfield, the order was signed for by Mark Jones. his vehicle is an orange Honda Element. the number on it is 181, which is one i associate with my dad, as this is a name sum. it’s also the plate number of John Dawson’s car, and also, at the furthest stop, the seemingly lead nurse’s vehicle, there (Vicki), but hers is black. John’s is white. black orange white.

Harley- “hare wood, or meadow”.

Davidson, like Dawson- “son of David”

there were other numbers, and things that i associated… but to try to get into it all, would be creating more holes in respects, as i don’t remember it all.

there was a semi with a solid orange trailer, getting back onto the interstate from dropping off paperwork and totes at the pharmacy, that passed by right as i got on.

i took a name down, earlier-beginning the route, on the south side of Indianapolis. a female voice said “attention deficit”. i took down the name of road that i passed by after she said this. Dahlia. later, after dropping off the order for Willie Cook, i looked up the meaning of this– “Daisy”. i had thought that i saw this name somewhere, back there. i looked for a road called Daisy around Indianapolis, finding one first out toward Avon. next to it on the map there is a label- Stormwatch. i associated this with Daisy Ridley, as Rey (as this was recent), and her association with a former stormtrooper, FN (John Boyega), and other opposition to her. this road here was Daisy Lane, off of Heather, from 36-Rockville Road.

then, showering, at Planet Fitness. Chloe and i touched fingertips as i gave her my keys with my card for her to swipe to check me in. her nails were a light pink color, and her hair- the turquoise/teal/blue that she dyed it. it was raining. this was the first time that we touched, and it was accidental, but not unpleasant. usually i avoid touching people. she has a laptop with a stormtrooper helmet sticker on it- like a day of the dead design with flowers all over it, and also, daisies. Chloe means “blooming”, or “young green shoot”.

back outside, as i left, i noticed that the closest vehicle in the row i was parked to the building had reflective tape around it’s plate, that read “on tour”. earlier today, i had written “touring test”, trying to write “turing test”.


Friday, January 8th, 2016

went to get hemp seed oil, first.
then went to whole foods. on the way there, saw a forward facing plate on an orange-range-color car that pulled out of a YMCA, on Westfield Blvd. it read XWNGPLT, or somethng that was to be read as XWINGPILOT.
before leaving my apartment, i considered going to see the new Star WArs, but I was mad… and not willing to eat, or, i wanted to isolate, not listen to music, not take in entertainment, simply perform basic functions. interact when required. try not to demand, because i’ve seen the other side of sin…sys. senses. i was rejecting it. and i still struggle. i am still struggling. you know this.

i pulled over after this, to check the time. i knew that there was a showing at 3, in castleton. 2:34. a number formation that i recognize, in a certain way. turn phone off – have time to think. whole foods. 6 teas (unsweetened yerba mate), 6 waters, chicken stock.
outside, i remember seeing a cute (zomg), shapely female, wearing black form fitting pants, and a red scarf, i think. this was when i was returning my cart. she was parked generally in front of me. i don’t remember numbers on her plate, but as soon as i got in my car, and was about to go, a white vehicle parked to her right, with a number-230 on the plate (and some letters, one of them U, maybe and H, and…). i noticed on her back window was a dancer image- that i sometimes see on cars. like a ballerina. pink.
i decided that i should simply do it. to see star wars.

-will was the cashier that time.

going to see star wars, the last plate that i read on the road before turning in to Castleton Square was 297. 297 i associate with my dad, as this is his birth-date. it passed, as I-then turned.

other numbers.

parked facing, most directly, 314 with letters I don’t remember, again.

inside, inside the movie, i arrived during a preview of a Zootopia movie. there was a license plate that a character was getting some information about, or reporting. numbers were 29 and 03, but i can’t remember the letters. they were talking to a sloth, and one of them told him a joke. it was funny. it was the first time that i smiled today. i had sat down at a speaking of a “zero” (or “O”- I forget).

i took two breaks. bathroom.

as i walked out the first time, it was in a within a part where they went to a “watering hole”, run by a woman “for the past 1000 years”. as i was walking in front of the screen, words were spoken to Han, about running away. when i came back, “base” was as I sat. “back to base”.

second time, there was some timing with music- i forget. when i walked back in to the door, the first word i heard was “son”, and when-as i sat down, words “after _ gets what _ wants, _ will crush you”- something like that.

i don’t remember the words as soon as i came back in the first time– only when i sat down.

the second time, in the restroom, a guy was standing in front of the mirror, messing with his button, or zipper. i had just thought about how i wasn’t wearing a belt, walking out, that time. he was “black” – i’m “white”. and i read a movie poster as i exited the bathroom, very red, that said that on “the street, (something) isn’t black and white”- something=the rules, the way- something like that. I don’t remember the name of the movie.

Oscar Isaac, who i first recognized playing the role of Dennis in Ex Machina, was in the opening scene. He has works with a droid named BB8. There also seems to be a reference to both the films Ex Machina here, and a film, I forget the name…Deadly Friend, a Wes Craven film, from the 80s, as the robot in that film is BB. This robot, in Star Wars, is orange and white. ‘BB’ is orange. I saw a the XWNGPLT plate on an orange car. Dennis (Oscar Isacc) in Ex Machina creates an android with artificial intelligence, named AVA (was she conscious, like me?), who is a “Bad Robot”.

Was I craving?


I was recognizing to try not to. I was trying to shut it down. I was also trying to deny desire for female.
Something went wrong in the Millennium Falcon, and “girl, what girl?” (line from film, roughly-perhaps– something about girls), and then Rey says “it’s the motivator” (that had broken).

In Ex Machina, AVA- played by Alicia Vikander, was female. Caleb Smith, played by Domhall Gleeson is a tester– to see if she passes a Turing Test. Domhall Gleeson was also in this film as General Hux, and was first shown when Poe (played by Oscar Isaac) was being interrogated by Kylo Ren (Adam Driver). It was here that it was revealed to him where the map was, and he told Hux as he exited the interrogation room that it was in a BB unit, with distinguishable appearance of orange and white.

i made a connection with the fact that C3-PO’s arm was now red-one of them, with an image that i took of the first Star Wars film- A New Hope, where at 23:00 in, subtitles on the screen were “Bring her back. Where’d she go? Play back the entire message”, and Luke was walking toward R2-D2, C3-PO at it’s side, and Lukes arm was extended, lining up to touch, by this angle. C3-POs elbow, and the fact that Luke’s arm was eventually, as I was reminded, replaced with a mechanical one.

i’m also reminded-now that there are numbers 322, or 223 in the names of these droids (R2D2, C3PO).

when the film was over, i took my time walking out. i found myself centered with the screen as the name Oscar Isacc was shown. I stopped after this, to watch more credits. i kind of feel bad for not watching names of those who make things. plus, i could get something else. the names became numerous. too numerous to follow, all of them. i let my eyes watch what they would, and let connections be made, but didn’t force them to “be”. at some point, i decided to go. the last word i read was “Technology”- as the next section of credits would begin. i accepted it (and in my mind, now I think of the guy in the show, Sons of Anarchy, who got his thumbs taken off- who often says “I can accept that”).

during the film, i thought about embracing/hugging a female, at one time. it wasn’t sexual (though, it was, but it wasn’t for that purpose, then). i had gotten angry with spirit, that presented me her, in form, last night. i wasn’t angry with her. i have demons. it often seems my entire reality is a demon. …but this was simple.

outside, a vehicle, slick looking, was parked facing me. Black. tinted windows. Mercedes Benz. it’s two mirrors facing in. the symbol is a three pointed star, or a trinity, which is said to represent the domination of land, sea, and air.

next to my car, before it, there was parked a CRV-looking vehicle (perhaps yes), with a plate CA9966. It was white. there was a “jesus fish” (‘Ichthys’) to one side on it, and a sticker on the right, purple-i think, that read in white letters “life is better with a basset hound”.

i collected some numbers before i left, other than this, but many are forgotten, or i’m unsure. i exited the building there where a security-patrol stopped, and passed in front of me.

on the way back i stopped at whole foods, again, to get chicken this time. i had heard voices- a male, on the way, that said something about- that i am the “trenchcoat” of “it”. i tried to remain fluid on the way. i saw numbers, and letters. maybe i didn’t pay enough attention, but i wanted to remain fluid. i parked in a space, without much breaking, except at the end. i noticed i parked next to a number 611LRN. 611 i associate first with my date of birth, 6/11. the car is teal. my parking job wasn’t perfect, but i accepted it. do better next time. some breaking is okay, to line up approach. on the way in, i stopped acting or the people in the sky, high above me, and allowed in the environment around me. i recognized that no matter what, i’m going to be “sensing”. i’m going to have points that i reference from, move from/move with. so it was like a flip of a switch. i walked in, and found myself first in-following a man in a long suit jacket, black. trenchcoat.

all of the organic chicken breasts were gone out of the fridge. i considered getting some thighs, but i tend to react to those for some reason. i considered getting some with bones in, too, as some kind of symbolism- plus the skin makes it taste better (and bones in), but i also react to those, sometimes. perhaps it’s that microorganisms have a place to cling to easier, after these things are butchered, with bones left in– nooks and crannies. but, i don’t know. so i went to the meat counter, to see if they had any organic breasts, and they did. Paul helped me there.

at register, i went to Yvonne’s line. She was wearing orange. i saw a sum of 92.97 on the screen. a woman before me, speaking in an east asian accent- i didn’t look directly at her but she sounded like this, was in argument about the price. Chase came and got me, saying that he could take me at the information desk (not sure of the name). as I followed him, women behind me were speaking in another language- a Slavic sounding tongue, but I am not sure– And I registered “language(s)”.
i don’t remember my order sum. but i know i checked out at 5:55. as I checked out, finishing, girls walked by, having accidentally slammed one of the recycling bins shut just then.

outside, i noticed a Mini Cooper parked next to me. Black, with white racing stripes. Bike rack. California plate 7CUF455. i got in my car, and then saw the person who would drive it. Blond female. i turned my car on around the same time, or about did. i watched for a moment, as she backed out, simultaneously-with Will walking by-to the store (who cashed me out before the movie). after this girl drove off, a guy in a beige truck with a logo- Xylem – “Let’s Solve Water”, pulled into this space, angled, like i had been angled. coming to the T of the parking lot to the shopping center’s main drive- Evergreen Ave, i saw a charger across in the other lot, with it’s right light out, parked, angled, facing me.

voices told me to listen to music. but i’m not ready.

i noticed that the time of my theater ticket was 3:14, like i had parked facing 314, and first sat down at O, or 0 (“oh”?).

home many thoughts/voices, that resonate, and teach…
on the way home.

the gate was open, and closing, as i entered Reflections, but there is a laser where if i drive slowly through the gate it will open back up, so i did that instead of stopping at he reader. i deliberated over how to carry things inside. i had a lot of weight, as things were glass. i didn’t know if i should just leave some in the car-as i was leaving anyways, in a few hours. the temperature was a factor. a guy walked out, got in his volt, and as i walked toward my apartment, carrying things, the weight of what was in the bag caused it to tear and everything fell out the bottom. one bottle’s cap broke open. i dumped what was left in that one. as i set things to the side, the volt drove past, that direction. put stuff in a new- bigger bag. walk inside. cook food. realize i got my mask in the mail (at 4:11 it said online), after food was done. i said dang it, because i didn’t want it soaking up scent from the hallway for hours. the mask is to block out scent. organic cotton, no dyes, bamboo charcoal. the last one that i got was dyed, and with synthetic materials, and coconut charcoal, which for some reason i haven’t handled well.

411… 144 was the range-estimate for my car, at the theater. hmm. eh.

walking into the entrance way to the theater, where i purchased my ticket, i saw a female wearing grey walking out of the theater, black, shapely, pretty.

this is one thing about this one. black and white. dark and light. and the guy with his button, or zipper, in front of the mirror, in my break (and a sign, “never black and white”, read, red-orange-yellow).

C-3PO, gold body (yellow), red arm. orange.


297 was with LOQ.

LOQ were the letters. I read Lock, but the Q is unique. LOCU Lo-cu. “Loke”
But there were others, that I just didn’t know quite what to make of, such as at the next left turn. … ahh. 439. letters…

‘Hans’ was the guy at the register, at the place where I bought the hemp seed oil- Fresh Market. Not to force a connection there, at all. But, I don’t remember meeting another Hans.

During my writing this, my trying to write (and trying to “right”) I noticed that I have an extra pick-up going to Bell- a facility on my route, in Bloomington. Patient name is what Mary Jane is called – I mean cannabis– last name meaning “Blue Spearman”, or “Blue Hostage”- (Gormley). birthdate 3/03.